Showing posts in the category “Inner Self Defense”

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• August 1, 2023
  1Aug2023

  Unresolvable Conflict? Maybe It’s You

  

  Have you ever tried to resolve a conflict where one of the parties wasn't all that interested in resolution? Maybe it was you.

  Perhaps you acted as if you wanted to find resolution and said all the right things: 

  • “Let’s find a way to move forward”
  • “I know we can work this out.” 

  Maybe you did your best to adopt an inquiring stance, saying things like,

  • “Please tell me how you see it.”

  But nothing seemed to work because you weren’t really that interested if it meant you had to change—and so you didn’t commit to the process.

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• July 1, 2023
  1Jul2023

  Wobbling

  

  When life was easier, I would sometimes look around and wonder how I would manage the things life might throw my way--if and when--life being what it is. "I teach this stuff," I would say. Will I practice it in times that are not so easy? Recently, I found out...

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• June 1, 2023
  1Jun2023

  Tension Contagion: Watching and Noticing

  

  When I watch aikido students in action, I always learn. At a recent seminar at Portsmouth Aikido, the dojo I founded in 1995, I had another opportunity to reinforce an awareness I've written about before.

  I'm not often on the mat these days, and it's always an experience in discovery to sit on the sidelines.

  For example, as I watched two beginners struggling to get the technique just right, their focus and commitment was intense, and I began to notice my own body tightening. I sensed the tension in the students' bodies as they practiced the technique, and I could feel it in my own as I observed...

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• April 1, 2023
  1Apr2023

  Curiosity Revisited

  

  Indeed.

  I visit curiosity often in these posts. Curiosity--a key communication skill that helps us manage our ki (energy) in times of stress, struggle, and conflict.

  One of my favorite curiosity stories was written back in August, 2013: "I'd Actually Have to Be Curious!" I was reminded of the story recently when my husband said: "I'm just curious," and asked me a question like, "What makes you want to do it that way?" 

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• March 1, 2023
  1Mar2023

  Breathing Our Way Back to Balance

  

  Recently, I was playing with my niece and nephews, 4-year-old triplets full--really full--of rambunctious energy. It was total fun, and they wore me out. At one point, as I saw them headed my way for more playtime, I suggested we all take a breath.

  I demonstrated what I meant by breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. After a few conscious breaths, I invited them to "play" along.

  There was an immediate change...

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• January 1, 2023
  1Jan2023

  Life is what you make it, Judy. -Love, Mimi

  

  I read again one of my posts from 2012. Life Is What You Make It: Constructing Meaning tells a story of my aunt Mary (Mimi, as we lovingly called her). She was a special person in my life, an encourager, teacher, loving supporter, and never-ending inspiration.

  As I read the 2012 post, one paragraph took me aback....

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• December 1, 2022
  1Dec2022

  Death As An Ally

  

  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  —Mary Oliver**

  Something there is that doesn't love a wall....

  --Robert Frost*

  I have been gifted recently with opportunities to think about life, what life is about and for, and what I in particular am here to do with my "one wild and precious life." 

  This past year a good, good friend died too young, a close family member became quite ill, another is aging physically and emotionally, and yet another is suffering grief over an ailing child....

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• November 1, 2022
  1Nov2022

  Thoughts for Thanksgiving: Choose the Good Ones

  

  Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

   — Robert Brault

  You may have noticed I like to write about gratitude. I think it's because gratitude is one way I center myself, remember what's important in my life, and return to the present moment. 

  This time of year, in particular, as we head into Thanksgiving and the December holidays, I ask myself and my readers to think about the ways we are already blessed, things we may be blind to because they’re always there, and to name them....

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• October 1, 2022
  1Oct2022

  Everyday Aikido: Managing Yourself

  

  It's a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you'll be taught.

  -- Getting to Know You, The King and I

  I love the truth of this song from The King and I. I always learn more from my students and from the people I coach than I impart. Yes, I'm the instructor. I share concepts, tools, skills, and experiences from Aikido. It's the student, however, who is the expert in their life. Only they have the wisdom and ability to implement what they're learning. They understand the difficulty of their conflict in ways I cannot, and how what they're experiencing on the mat might apply in their everyday life (or not).

  Recently I was privileged to work with college students whose professor assigned them the task of journaling about their experience on the mat after the class was over (we were fortunate to have real mats and practice physical Aikido). 

  As I read through their journal entries, I knew what my next post would be. I hope you learn as much from the writing of these young  people as I did. Names have been changed. Sentiments are real....

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• August 1, 2022
  1Aug2022

  The Elephant in the Room

  

  My guest post this month is by colleague and friend, Cinnie Noble, whose work as conflict management coach, author and teacher I have long admired.

  We talk about "the elephant in the room" all the time, and Cinnie's post helped me explore my own "elephants" and gain insight into how to acknowledge and work with them.

  THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, by Cinnie Noble

  As you likely know, when we use the metaphor – an elephant in the room – we mean there’s an obvious problem about which everyone in the room is fully aware but no one mentions. It may be an important topic that is too uncomfortable, controversial, embarrassing, inflammatory, or dangerous for people to raise.

  An elephant in the room might also represent the unspoken hurts or words. They are what is going on between disputing people that isn’t being said. They are the lingering doubts and the niggling feelings. They are the missing pieces of the puzzle. They are present without being identified....

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