Showing posts in the category “Inner Self Defense”

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• June 4, 2019
  4Jun2019

  Listening When It's Not Easy

  

  Many of my posts in the past few months have been focused on my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace. The four phase model starts with managing yourself, making sure your mindset and emotions are centered and purposeful, before engaging others. An integral part of managing yourself is the practice of active, aligned listening, sometimes when it's not easy. And I realized recently just how long I've been making this point.

  I had the occasion to re-read my first book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict last month. One of the stories--"Listening When It's Not Easy"--gave me pause. Because it's about listening when it's not easy to do so, I found it as relevant to our current cultural landscape as it was when I wrote it in 2006, maybe moreso. The story is about a conflict that arose as I was leading a workshop back in the day, and how I practiced metaphorical aikido by managing myself in order to manage what was coming at me....

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• May 21, 2019
  21May2019

  Finding My Better Self: How About a Cup of Coffee?

  

  An article I wrote many years ago has seen a lot of play recently on various internet sites. It's called "Working with Difficult People: Turn Tormentors Into Teachers". The article has been generating a lot of comments from readers hoping to think differently about the unlikely teachers in their lives. It seems clear that most of us have these folks in our lives and just as clear that we’d really like to change them from tormentors to teachers.

  I’m certainly no different.  And maybe because of the article, and maybe just because I want to walk the walk as well as the talk, I decided to practice one recent day with a "tormentor" of my own...

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• May 7, 2019
  7May2019

  Beginning Again and Again

  

  Beginning again and again is the actual practice, not a problem to be overcome. --Sharon Salzberg

  As I made my way to the exit, the other passengers on my jetBlue flight were taking their time making their way down the aisle. If I could just get off this plane, I might make the 6:10 bus to Portsmouth and home, and not have to wait an hour for another bus. The flight was already late getting into Boston, and I really wanted to make that bus. Uncentered and pushing mentally, if not physically, I was grinding my teeth and trying to do whatever I could to hurry the passengers in front of me along, including bypassing some seats where the passengers didn’t immediately get up to retrieve bags from the overhead bin.

  And I caught myself. And breathed, and smiled, and returned to center...

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• April 23, 2019
  23Apr2019

  Teaching the Power of Purpose: Aikido's Unbendable Arm

  

  In this last video of the five-part series about my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, I demonstrate how easy life can be when we're clear about what we want for ourselves and our relationships. This feeling of flow, ease, and connection is demonstrated through The Unbendable Arm, a physical experience of the power of a clear purpose. 

  The Arm has become my metaphor for living powerfully, communicating with purpose, and expressing emotions with the intention to connect rather than harm.

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• April 9, 2019
  9Apr2019

  Teaching the Art of Centering

  

  In my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, a key element in the process is the leader's ability to center herself. As a manager, supervisor, or anyone caught in the middle of two conflicting parties, you must first manage your own mindset and emotions before trying to support others. Then, if you choose, you can coach others in the art and practice of centering.

  It's a great concept, isn't it, to choose to be centered? To notice in the moment that you're off balance, and then decide to shift to a more centered state. If you know how you do this--catch yourself and re-center--you can easily coach others.

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• February 12, 2019
  12Feb2019

  Delivering Difficult Feedback: Two Models, One Goal

  

  I'm reading a book by Shari Harley--How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships That Really Work. I've also watched a couple of her videos, which are easy to find on the Web.

  One of the things I like about the book is the title, which grabs your attention. Having written a couple of my own, I know how important that is. I also like Shari's simple 8-step formula, especially the "State Your Motive" feature, because it shows the speaker's positive intent....

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• November 20, 2018
  20Nov2018

  Celebrate Gratitude This Week

  

  I'm grateful to the folks at VIA Institute on Character for today's post. I use the VIA Character Strengths profile in my coaching and training to help clients maximize strengths such as honesty, bravery, love of learning, creativity, curiosity, forgiveness, and zest. According to VIA research, there are 24, and one of my top strengths is gratitude. 

  I invite you to practice gratitude this week. Be more aware today of the good things that happen to you. And enjoy this post from the VIA institute:

  Celebrate Your Strength of Gratitude

  You know that feeling when something "goes your way", like getting a good spot in a a crowded parking lot or discovering an item you really want on sale. It might be quick and fleeting, but what you probably feel is a brief moment of gratitude. "Thank you for this small victory!" ...

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• October 23, 2018
  23Oct2018

  Practicing Mindfulness in Turbulent Times

  

  “Mindfulness” = The moment to moment awareness of experience just the way it is.
  ~Liz Korabek-Emerson

  I don't know about you, but I could practice being more mindful today. And...every day, every moment, every breath. Recent posts have centered on holding difficult conversations amid the stress of turbulent times, and I thought I'd bring it down a notch and talk about the antidote to stress, which also happens to be a way to calm emotional triggers, find balance, and regain power under pressure--mindfulness meditation. 

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• September 25, 2018
  25Sep2018

  A Failure to Communicate: Part 2--Find Your M-C

  

  Did you happen to read my post earlier this month? When There's a Failure to Communicate: Choose Love can be summed up in this paragraph from the post:

  Let's turn the tide. Change the momentum away from the contest and toward connection and problem-solving; toward learning and seeking to understand what fears and hopes underlie the views of those who think and believe differently from--and may even oppose--us.

  I appreciate the comments I received thanking me for speaking out about choosing love over fear. One reader said, "We haven't heard this voice enough--the voice that speaks for respectful communication. You're not just saying it's a good idea, you're standing up for decent process and respect."

  Decent process and respectful communication can be cultivated and practiced, like any muscle we want to strengthen....

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• August 28, 2018
  28Aug2018

  Food For Thought: Elevating the Culinary Experience

  

  I'm happy to tell you about a new book written by my sister, Deborah Rodin. Deb lives in Indianapolis and is an extraordinary combination of professional violinist, gourmet cook, gardener, and--most recently--writer and author. Her book is Food For Thought: Elevating the Culinary Experience.

  The reasons I like the book are many. I love my sister, for starters, and the various expressions of her creativity, passion, and love. Whether she's playing a Mozart sonata or preparing a Walnut Cake with Honey Cream Cheese Icing, she's connected to a source greater than herself. She writes about that connection in Food For Thought, while offering the reader appetizing recipes for dishes she created in her Indianapolis kitchen. The photography by Randy Baughn will make your mouth water...

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