Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

Showing posts in the category “Conflict”

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  • March 12, 2019

    Resolving Coworker Conflict: Work Individually First

    Resolving Coworker Conflict: Work Individually First

    "When co-workers can't get along, should I work with them individually or bring them together?" This is a question managers, supervisors and HR professionals deal with frequently.

    Time pressures and the need to resolve the problem encourage us to get the parties together right away and help them talk things through. And while this strategy is tempting, it often makes matters worse, because the parties don’t yet have the skills or perspective they need to be open to any view but their own.

    Each individual pushes to have their perspective acknowledged. No one listens. Emotions run high. And the problem escalates. This is especially true if the conflict has a long history. Each party has fine-tuned their narrative about why the other person is the problem....

  • February 26, 2019

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: Introductory Video

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: Introductory Video

    When two valued employees can't get along, it affects the entire office. What do you do when terminating an employee isn't an option, but for the sake of productivity the problem can't go on any longer? How do you achieve workplace harmony?

    I know it's only February, and my new book--Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace--isn't due for release by Career Press until May 1, but I'm excited that: 1) it's available for pre-order now, and 2) I can give you a preview of what's in the book, so you can decide if it's something you might want to own and have on your desk or your laptop...

    So with professional help from my amazing friends at Seacoast Flash and Rayaonassignment, I created five videos last month that are ready for prime time on YouTube. You're seeing them before anyone else (except my mom), although later this week this first one will be on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn...

  • February 12, 2019

    Delivering Difficult Feedback: Two Models, One Goal

    Delivering Difficult Feedback: Two Models, One Goal

    I'm reading a book by Shari Harley--How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships That Really Work. I've also watched a couple of her videos, which are easy to find on the Web.

    One of the things I like about the book is the title, which grabs your attention. Having written a couple of my own, I know how important that is. I also like Shari's simple 8-step formula, especially the "State Your Motive" feature, because it shows the speaker's positive intent....

  • January 15, 2019

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: A Preview of my New Book

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: A Preview of my New Book

    How do I manage conflict between employees? ​ What should I do when coworkers don't get along? Should I intervene? Bring them together? Work individually? What do I say?

    In 2014, Ki Moments began a series of posts titled "The Manager as Mediator", designed to help managers and leaders deal with conflict between coworkers. When two valued employees can't get along, their team and the workplace suffer, and the posts offered tools to help resolve the conflict.

    That series of posts developed and became a book, which you probably know because you're a reader of Ki Moments. Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace became available for pre-sale last month on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and IndieBound, and will be released in paperback May 1.

    In the next four posts, I plan to "early release" bits and pieces of Turn Enemies Into Allies, so you can preview the concepts, tools, and practices and decide if they might be useful in your workplace--although the conflict and communication skills I bring to organizations and relate in the book are just as applicable at the kitchen table, in the locker room, and on visits with the in-laws.

  • December 18, 2018

    From Grouchy to Grateful: Digraphs, Blends, and The Art of Peace

    From Grouchy to Grateful: Digraphs, Blends, and The Art of Peace

    I had a couple of grouchy days this week. In all the places I practice centering--the car, the indoor pool, on the phone, at the grocery store--I responded to the unexpected with gritted teach and halted breath. Instead of catching myself each time, I let my uncentered self enjoy the ride to self-righteousness and judgment. It was mostly internal. I wasn't mean to anyone--didn't say or do anything I regretted later. But it wasn't fun. It sapped my energy, and lowered my happiness quotient.

    An on-and-off kind of thing, the mood lasted about two days. I finally found my way out of it through curiosity and fascination. What’s going on? Is it something I ate? Drank? Not enough sleep? 

  • December 4, 2018

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace

    Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace

    I began writing my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies, four years ago here on my Ki Moments blog, with six posts on "The Manager as Mediator: 5 Tips for Managing Conflict Between Co-Workers". At the time, I was engaged in an intervention between two coworkers at a large insurance company, both of whom were highly regarded by the organization. The problem was that they were also mired in a conflict that was causing stress--to them, their team, and the organization. 

    After several months of individual and joint sessions, the dynamic between the two had so changed that they reported on the process to their team, and in an article for the company newsletter, describing the benefits of engaging conflict with positive intent, support and clarity of purpose.

    And so I began to write down the process....

  • November 6, 2018

    Civil and Respectful: How to Argue Civilly

    Civil and Respectful: How to Argue Civilly

    I'm a subscriber to the VitalSmarts Crucial Skills newsletter. VitalSmarts is a training company and a team of authors responsible for excellent books and trainings, like Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability. and The Influencer. You can find them all on Amazon and on their website, along with downloadable free resources.

    In a recent newsletter, Joseph Grenny's post on "How to Argue Civilly" is a brief summary of best practices for the kinds of emotional conversations we might have with loved ones, especially around the holidays. I got curious about who else is writing on this topic, and did a little research on "how to argue civilly." A quick Google search returned pages of possibilities. I list three here that I found particularly useful.

    In this time of unrest and polarization, I'm doing what I can to engage my own difficult conversations with respect, curiosity and compassion. If someone thinks or feels differently about a candidate, a policy, or a party, what harm can come from learning how they arrived at their opinions? Most of the time, I find differences fascinating, not frustrating. 

    That said, I've written a lot recently on how to communicate successfully, so I'll stop here and let you read what others are saying.

  • September 25, 2018

    A Failure to Communicate: Part 2--Find Your M-C

    A Failure to Communicate: Part 2--Find Your M-C

    Did you happen to read my post earlier this month? When There's a Failure to Communicate: Choose Love can be summed up in this paragraph from the post:

    Let's turn the tide. Change the momentum away from the contest and toward connection and problem-solving; toward learning and seeking to understand what fears and hopes underlie the views of those who think and believe differently from--and may even oppose--us.

    I appreciate the comments I received thanking me for speaking out about choosing love over fear. One reader said, "We haven't heard this voice enough--the voice that speaks for respectful communication. You're not just saying it's a good idea, you're standing up for decent process and respect."

    Decent process and respectful communication can be cultivated and practiced, like any muscle we want to strengthen....

  • September 11, 2018

    When There's a Failure to Communicate: Choose Love

    When There's a Failure to Communicate: Choose Love

    We appear to be taking sides on everything.

    • Immigration
    • Gun control
    • The economy
    • Our schools
    • Workplace and family issues 

    Even Nike commercials. 

    We've stopped talking with each other. And we must find a way to reverse this trend--somehow....

  • August 14, 2018

    Internal Aikido: Being and Doing

    Internal Aikido: Being and Doing

    The new owner and chief instructor at Portsmouth Aikido, Aaron Cass, gave a seminar at the dojo recently on "Internal Aikido." It was enlightening, and fun. You may say this is what I do, and to some extent you'd be correct. I help individuals and organizations use the aikido metaphor to think and act more purposefully in stressful situations, like conflict. I teach them how to incorporate aikido principles, such as blending and redirecting energy by using words to listen, acknowledge, and express a point of view.

    However, Aaron was teaching something else--specifically  how to carry ourselves physically so that our posture is aligned in a way that allows for efficient and effortless body dynamics.

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