Showing posts in the category “Conflict”

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• March 24, 2020
  24Mar2020

  Not Cancelled: Love

  

  It's good to do uncomfortable things. It's weight training for life.

  --Anne Lamott

  Things have changed. The world is not the way it was a month ago. 

  • The pool is closed, swim teams canceled, my daily swim on hold.
  • Aikido classes canceled.
  • Public Library closed.
  • Workshops canceled.
  • Church canceled.
  • Grocery store shelves with holes where canned goods and paper products used to be.
  • Many losing jobs and worried about the next meal.

  And yet....

  • Calls with family increase exponentially, making sure we're all healthy and that Mom is safe.
  • Daily routine more relaxed, less stressed.
  • Learning to work virtually, be more creative.
  • Long walks, hikes, and rambles in the warming weather, strangers smiling and waving at me.
  • Families playing outside together.
  • Restaurants, businesses and residents pitching in to help neighbors and others who need food and assistance.
  • Reading a lot, my pile of "someday" books dwindling.
  • Quiet time-yes!
  • My suitcase unpacked!
  • Church on Facebook Live!

  An inspiring graphic from WeAreUnsinkable.com appeared by way of my sister, Paula, on Facebook last week, and it helped me regain some perspective....

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• March 10, 2020
  10Mar2020

  Training Your Inner Dragon

  

  Wendy Palmer is writing a new book on "Dragons and Power". It's about how to to cultivate benevolent dragon energy. Quoting Wendy: 

  The power within us is like a dragon. In order for our dragons to become protectors they need training. We need to have a way to keep our dragon energy from running wild and becoming destructive.

  I love this concept of an inner dragon and can't wait to read Wendy's book. The concept puts me in mind of the DreamWorks animated movie "How to Train Your Dragon"...

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• February 25, 2020
  25Feb2020

  The In-Between Place

  

  I'm excited to introduce a good friend, Susan Poulin. Actor, author, playwright and performance artist, Susan recently created a Talk for TEDxPortsmouth, here in Portsmouth NH where I live. Susan's TEDx Talk--Can You Find Your Identity Through a Heritage-Language--is fabulous. You should watch it if you want to see a really great Tedx Talk, and learn a bit about Susan's journey to re-learn her native French language. 

  As fascinating as is Susan's story of the journey back to her roots, how she achieved the goal of a stellar online video is an education in centered presence and emotional intelligence, and I asked her to write about it. I know you'll enjoy Susan's video, and the tale of discovery that led there....

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• February 11, 2020
  11Feb2020

  Predict the Potholes

  

  Carrol Suzuki is an online friend, colleague, and teacher. Her posts always inspire me to be a better listener, and her "Listening Better" website is a guide and instruction manual for how to do just that.

  Carrol is recognized as one of North America's premier business and workplace listening coaches, facilitators and specialists, and her writing is terrific and to the point. I love how much she says with so few words. I've passed along her nuggets before, and here's another for your learning pleasure.... (Thank you, Carrol!).

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• January 28, 2020
  28Jan2020

  I'm About to Learn Something!

  

  Whenever conflict, large or small, comes along we are about to learn something.
  —Donna Schaper, Senior Minister at Judson Memorial Church in New York City.

  I write often about the opportunities inherent in conflict, and about the importance of practice. The concept of practice applies to any skill we want to cultivate and, without doubt, practicing new conflict and communication skills requires some risk-taking.

  Yet, every conversation we engage in can be seen as a kind of practice. In the ones that go well, it may be easier to see the skills we used -- I had a clear purpose, I was centered, I asked some useful questions that helped my partner get to what was really bothering them.

  Yet, in my experience, it is the challenging, difficult, risky conversations that offer the greatest learning....

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• December 17, 2019
  17Dec2019

  The Rocks Don't Care: Regaining Perspective

  

  I went to the ocean over the weekend. There was quite a storm and I guessed (correctly) that there might be some fairly dramatic waves. I live about ten minutes away from some of the most beautiful seacoast in the world.

  As my husband and I sat watching the heaving, roiling waves bursting onto the rocks that line the shore, here's what I came away with:

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• October 22, 2019
  22Oct2019

  Working On Yourself Alone: A Metaskill for Difficult Conversations

  

  I had to have a difficult conversation. I was invited to deliver a training for the organizational development team at a large U.S. tech company. At the last minute the company said they wanted one of their facilitators to partner with me. I was already at the site, and I could see they wanted to give this person (let's call him Max) some experience, and I said OK.

  I explained to Max how to follow my lead. I indicated where he could be of assistance, and asked him to otherwise be an observer of the group. Things went well for a while, but soon Max began to add content, most of which seemed designed to show his expertise but wasn't relevant. When I asked a question of the group, Max spoke instead, taking a "front of the room" position and expanding on the topic.

  At the break I decided to talk with Max. I should tell you first that confronting people is not my favorite thing. My default style in conflict is to accommodate. But there was a job to do here, a group experience at stake, and objectives to be met. A strong purpose to protect the training experience propelled me to speak....

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• October 8, 2019
  8Oct2019

  Life Lessons From a Crying Baby

  

  I edged into my seat aboard a recent flight home from a long work trip. I was pooped and looking forward to being quiet for a while, when I heard a loud cry from the seat behind me. I didn't look. I knew it was a tiny baby wanting to let Mom know she was upset! I smiled and settled into my seat, feeling fortunate I was near this "lucky baby." 

  A long time ago, I learned a life lesson from another crying baby that changed the way I view life--and all because of an almost ruined special evening.

  "On This Planet" (aka The Lucky Baby Planet story) is the preface of my first book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the HIdden Gifts in Daily Conflict. If you haven't read the story, I'd love to hear your thoughts. It's one of those life lessons that seems to show up at just the right time. This timely baby helped me turn a seemingly negative event into a positive one. And it was as simple as telling myself a new story....

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• September 24, 2019
  24Sep2019

  Self-Awareness Primer: What It Is. How to Get It.

  

  Occasionally I enjoy sharing posts by other writers--personal favorites by fellow coaches and leadership consultants like Joe Dunn, the author of today's post on self-awareness.

  Self-Awareness Primer: What It Is. How to Get It.

  by Joe Dunn

  We know it when we see it. We say “she’s highly self-aware,” and we mean it as a compliment. We mean that person is able to take criticism, correct her mistakes and learn as she goes. We can work with that person, tell her what we think and expect a reasonable response.

  Being self-aware is a strength. It’s a foundation for authenticity, for communication, for decision and for leadership. It’s also something that can be simply defined, learned and practiced...

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• September 10, 2019
  10Sep2019

  How to Influence the Way People Act During Conflict

  

  I was delighted when my friend Tammy Lenski agreed to let me reprint her post on "How to influence the way people act during conflict" because I think everyone should read it. I'm fond of saying we have more power than we think, and Tammy's well-researched article on behavioral confirmation reinforces this point. Tammy is a conflict resolution strategist, teacher, author, and mediator, which is why her post ends with "Two special notes for mediators". 

  Tammy's website--tammylenski.com--is full of skills for communication and the self-mastery needed to transform conflict into opportunities for relationship building. You can also read Tammy's original post and subscribe to her podcasts.
   

  How to influence the way people act during conflict

  If you believe someone is aggressive, could they behave more aggressively with you than with others? If someone believes you are a hostile person, are you likely to act more hostile when you interact with them? It’s called behavioral confirmation and if you’re interested in your own or others’ conflict behavior, it’s worth understanding.

  ~ Tammy Lenski

  
  A man gets on an elevator with his dog. At the next floor, a second man gets on the elevator, scowls at the dog, and says angrily, “Dogs don’t belong in this building!” The dog growls at the man.

  Several floors later, the annoyed man exits the elevator and a third man gets on. He smiles at the dog and says enthusiastically, “You are such a cute fellow!” The dog wags his tail happily at the man.

  So where does the problem lie? Is the dog a “difficult dog”? ...

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