Showing posts in the category “Conflict”

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• October 1, 2024
  1Oct2024

  Discovery on an Icy Bridge

  

  Adapted from Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer

  Driving home late one night during the first snow of the season, I hit a patch of ice on a slippery bridge and struck the barrier that separates the bridge from the air and the water. I careened off one side of the bridge, slid across three lanes of Interstate 95, and scraped along the barrier on the opposite side. 

  Luckily there weren’t any other cars nearby.

  As I slid on the frozen surface, my first awareness was fear. Then, as the car connected with the barrier, I was jolted into a powerfully present state of being. What flashed through my mind was: I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here for it. 

  Then, deep calm, peace, and presence....

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• June 1, 2024
  1Jun2024

  The Difficult Conversation Revisited

  

  How often do I revisit what I teach? Almost every day.

  When the difficult, courageous, crucial, purposeful or just plain hard-to-hold conversation is imminent, I get out my "Checklist", tips, and resources. I call supportive friends and get to work on myself--looking inward to see what makes "this" one different, challenging, and off-putting.

  I know I'm not the only one who's tentative about these conversations. In fact, most recently I've noticed a plethora of articles on the subject, which all pretty much say the same thing.

  I'm revisiting the topic today with a few of the most common coaching suggestions....

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• May 1, 2024
  1May2024

  Light

  

  I had the good fortune recently to be reminded of Amanda Gorman's poem, "The Hill We Climb". At 22, Gorman was the youngest person ever to deliver a poem at a U.S. presidential inauguration as Joe Biden amd Kamala Harris were sworn in as President and Vice President. 

  These are tumultuous times, and we/I -- I'll speak for myself -- have days when I fear for my country's future and it's ability to recover from innumerable onslaughts, both internal and external.

  "The Hill We Climb" brought hope today, and I share it here. If you like, you can watch again the Amanda Gorman's beautiful delivery on the Library of Congress website....

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• April 1, 2024
  1Apr2024

  The Difficult, Challenging, Courageous, Uncomfortable Conversation

  

  While I've written often over the years about the kind of conversations many of us put off (or never have) because it's just too hard, I believe wholeheartedly (and know from experience) that these tough conversations are the ones we need to have the most. If held well, they can build or rescue a relationship, find an elegant solution to a knotty problem, and even be energizing and thought-provoking....

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• February 1, 2024
  1Feb2024

  Seeing Things as They Are

  

  My husband called me to the kitchen window a few days ago and asked me what I thought was attached to (and hanging from) the squirrel's nest in the bushes that line our driveway. It looked like a dead rabbit, but it couldn't be, right? Too heavy! We stared at the thing for several minutes trying to understand what we were seeing. Then it moved--Woh! Could it be a live rabbit? A squirrel? Something else? 

  The bush is only ten yards from the window but we couldn't figure it out.

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• November 1, 2023
  1Nov2023

  Looking Back, Moving Forward, Feeling Grateful

  

  My last two posts in September and October gave some context on the next steps I'm taking into the unknown. It's weird. I don't know how not to be busy, how not to be engaged in an endeavor that gives back so much. I'm not sure what that's going to be like. 

  You may ask, "Then why stop?" And I'm not totally sure of the answer. I love what I do - I still have some work as I write this - and I also have a sense that this is a good time to bring this part of my worklife to a close. It's an interesting, thought-provoking, exciting place to be.

  I sometimes listen to the Calm app when I'm meditating. Recently Jeff Warren, one of their authors and a meditator, said...

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• August 1, 2023
  1Aug2023

  Unresolvable Conflict? Maybe It’s You

  

  Have you ever tried to resolve a conflict where one of the parties wasn't all that interested in resolution? Maybe it was you.

  Perhaps you acted as if you wanted to find resolution and said all the right things: 

  • “Let’s find a way to move forward”
  • “I know we can work this out.” 

  Maybe you did your best to adopt an inquiring stance, saying things like,

  • “Please tell me how you see it.”

  But nothing seemed to work because you weren’t really that interested if it meant you had to change—and so you didn’t commit to the process.

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• May 1, 2023
  1May2023

  Talking Together: Setting Up Successful Conversations

  

  It seems that "difficult" conversations are par for the course these days. And even the conversation that starts out easy can turn on a dime. We're all a little on guard, a little careful, in our choice of words, timing, and topics we agree to talk about.

  A popular download from my website is an article I wrote 15 years ago called "We Have to Talk: A Step-by-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations". The Checklist is popular, and I realize after reading it again that I could have added a few more helpful tips, such as setting up the conversation for success, respecting time, and choosing a supportive location. I hope the following will help you hold a conversation that perhaps you've been putting off in a way that supports all parties.

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• April 1, 2023
  1Apr2023

  Curiosity Revisited

  

  Indeed.

  I visit curiosity often in these posts. Curiosity--a key communication skill that helps us manage our ki (energy) in times of stress, struggle, and conflict.

  One of my favorite curiosity stories was written back in August, 2013: "I'd Actually Have to Be Curious!" I was reminded of the story recently when my husband said: "I'm just curious," and asked me a question like, "What makes you want to do it that way?" 

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• March 1, 2023
  1Mar2023

  Breathing Our Way Back to Balance

  

  Recently, I was playing with my niece and nephews, 4-year-old triplets full--really full--of rambunctious energy. It was total fun, and they wore me out. At one point, as I saw them headed my way for more playtime, I suggested we all take a breath.

  I demonstrated what I meant by breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. After a few conscious breaths, I invited them to "play" along.

  There was an immediate change...

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