Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

Showing posts in the category “Newsletter”

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  • June 19, 2018

    Making "I Statements" Easy: A Feeling, A Need, A Request

    Making

    Reading a recent online post, I was struck by the author's thoughts on the "I-statement." She was referring to the sometimes tricky communication technique by which I express to you a need, a feeling, or a request, by putting the responsibility for clarity or understanding on myself, rather than on you. It helps me communicate the impact of your behavior, whether positive or otherwise.

    Think of a recent verbal conflict. Did you make accusations like "You always ___! You never ___! You are such a ___! You make me feel ___!"

    Notice how the focus of those statements is on the other person--the "you" you are facing in the fight. An "I" statement shifts the focus and helps you express what's going on for you, as in, "I'm feeling surprised at your remark. I need to hear more in order to understand what's behind it. I'm asking you to elaborate." Your conflict partner is less likely to feel defensive, when you leave the "you" out. And you're more likely to connect by stating the need behind your feeling.

  • May 22, 2018

    How Not to Take Yourself So Seriously: 5 Practices

    How Not to Take Yourself So Seriously: 5 Practices


    "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." -- Elbert Hubbard


    Last week I was offered another lesson at the indoor pool where I swim. Sunday, it seems, has become everyone's favorite day. The pool was packed. Lane designations are important when it's crowded, and two lanes are reserved for slower, leisurely swimmers--like me.

    So, I was in the first leisure lane with two other swimmers, while another very slow swimmer was in the second lane. Things were flowing well until three guys got into the second leisure lane with the slower swimmer. They were much faster and kept running into him--literally.

    I got upset and finally spoke to the guys...

  • April 24, 2018

    Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies

    Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies

    Defusing difficult or angry customers calmly and assertively benefits the company, the customer, and the service representative. Managing any difficult situation requires clear communication and intention. You improve with practice. And the rewards, both in terms of personal comfort and bottom line profit, are great. The key lies in your ability to manage yourself so that you can manage and support the customer.

  • March 27, 2018

    Aikido Off the Mat: Tenkan and Acknowledgment

    Aikido Off the Mat: Tenkan and Acknowledgment

    (from my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, to be published April 2019, by Career Press)

    Quite a few Ki Moments posts over the years have focused on the power of acknowledgment in difficult conversations. I've even called it the "secret sauce" on occasion, because acknowledgment demonstrates respect for my partner’s position, and respect is a powerful thing.

    In aikido, there’s a body movement called tenkan, most often translated as “convert” or “change.” Tenkan “converts” the aikido attack into energy I can use, and is a physical embodiment of acknowledgment...

  • February 27, 2018

    From Adversaries to Partners: Resolving Co-worker Conflict

    From Adversaries to Partners: Resolving Co-worker Conflict

    In my last two posts, I asked you to help me name my new book. And I received so much useful feedback--thank you! I asked for specific suggestions for the title, as well as your vote on the top four. I got all of that and more. I received some really helpful advice. For example:

    • I believe the title needs to clearly say what the benefit is to me. It has to get me to go, "Hmmm....," tweak my curiosity and compel me to to pick it up.
    • I wouldn't limit it to managers. If it says "leaders," both leaders and managers will think it applies to them.
    • The focus should be on WHAT you want to achieve through the book versus HOW. So I'm thinking Aikido isn't necessary for the title despite how integral it is to your message. 
    • My "take" is including aikido in your title will distinguish your book from the profusion of books in this field just as aikido distinguishes you professionally.
    • The title should make a prospective reader feel like the author "gets them" and knows what they most need and want and fear and hope for.
    • The word ‘aikido’ begins to define the book. It would be attractive for a certain segment of the population but might not be helpful for a broader audience.
    • "From Adversaries to Partners" paints a vivid picture of the issue (adversaries) to a desired solution (partners), which is much more powerful than just 'getting along'.
    • It sounds like the idea is to train the employees to resolve their own conflict so the manager no longer has to be in the middle.
    • As you look at all those titles, remember to breathe and pick the one that most resonates for you!

    It was tough, because some viewpoints directly contradicted others--just like life! ...

  • January 30, 2018

    Requesting Assistance -- Name That Book!

    Requesting Assistance -- Name That Book!

    I'm writing a new book. In fact, it's written. But there's still a lot to do--like the title. I have a working title, but I'm not completely satisfied with it. As I swam laps this morning, I thought: I'll do a bit of crowdsourcing and ask my Ki Moments subscribers what they think of the title, and invite them to offer alternatives.

    To help you, below are some facts about the book, a question, and an excerpt. You can offer any suggestions in the "Let’s discuss this post in the comments" section at the bottom of the post on my website, or you can send me an email at judy@judyringer.com. And I'll send everyone who replies a copy of my new book (maybe with your title!) when it's published. Thanking you in advance.... here we go....

  • January 2, 2018

    Frozen: Keep It In or Let It Go? The Trouble with Either-Or Thinking

    Frozen: Keep It In or Let It Go? The Trouble with Either-Or Thinking

    I watched the movie Frozen again recently. 

    It's a vivid, delightful, and tender demonstration of the limits (and dangers) of either-or thinking and the beauty and power of switching to a mindset of both-and.

    The benefits of both-and thinking are most evident when problems are complex and stakeholders seek long-term, sustainable solutions. It's the kind of thinking we need in our world and that, from this blogger's perspective at least, is sadly lacking. Yet it also applies in other contexts...

  • December 5, 2017

    The Power and Presence of Forgiveness: Letting Go

    The Power and Presence of Forgiveness: Letting Go


    Such a big topic, isn’t it? Forgiveness? 

    I’ve written about it in various contexts before, and it came up again recently. A subscriber wrote about "a family situation where there has been a lot of hurt," tracing back to growing up without learning how to share feelings or manage conflict well. He asked me for advice on how to practice forgiveness and offer an apology when they might not be reciprocated.

    "I know that I've hurt them, too," he said. "But I'm not sure how to forgive when I haven't received an apology. And I don't want to appear to be the one giving in, though I know that's not the most sacred approach."

    I was touched by the writer's honesty and grabbed once again by the questions surrounding forgiveness. When I think of forgiving my own difficult people, I have similar questions...

  • November 7, 2017

    Get Out the Highlighter, by Carrol Suzuki

    Get Out the Highlighter, by Carrol Suzuki

    I always look forward to hearing from Carrol Suzuki. Carrol is principal of Suzuki & Associates - The Business of Listening - and a premier listening coach, serving business leaders across North America.

    As Carrol says:

    Listening is an endangered skill in today's quick-bytes, hurry-up world. Although listening is one of the most neglected business skills, it's possibly the most vital. 

    Her newsletters offer brief golden nuggets on critical listening skills, like her current post on acknowledgement, or as Carrol puts it: highlighting, underlining, and amplifying the speaker's words so that they know you heard them. 

    I share her most recent newsletter in this issue of Ki Moments. Enjoy!

  • October 10, 2017

    Center As You Enter: Creating Centering Practices That Stick

    Center As You Enter: Creating Centering Practices That Stick

    I open my eyes. Morning.

    Quiet time. Meditation.

    I  relish this moment. Yes, there is much to do. The difficult conversation ahead. The pile of work sitting on my desk and on my mind. The emails to return. The seminar to design. Do I have time?

    Yes. I will make time. I will sit quietly and do nothing. Nothing except to notice the breath coming in and going out of my body. The thoughts, the physical awareness, the birds chirping outside my window. All coming and going, like the breath.

    Wendy Palmer, a teacher of aikido and leadership presence categorizes the many ways to practice centering into three areas: committed practice, ritual practice, and spontaneous practice.

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