Showing posts in the category “Centered Presence”

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• October 9, 2018
  9Oct2018

  A Failure to Communicate: Part 3--Consider Your Purpose

  

  I titled this post before I started writing it, with the intention of talking about the one piece of a difficult conversation that steers the ship--my purpose for holding it. Then, it occurred to me that the purpose of any conversation is intimately connected to the purpose for my life, my work, my reason for being. For example:

  • Why do I hold certain conversations and not others?
  • What makes this one worthy of my energy and time?
  • How would things unfold if I didn't bring up the issue?
  • What are the consequences of this decision, pro and con?

  A lot goes into the decision for me and, I hope, for you. Because whether and how I express myself, listen, acknowledge you (if I do), and look for mutual ground (or not), says a lot about who I am...

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• September 25, 2018
  25Sep2018

  A Failure to Communicate: Part 2--Find Your M-C

  

  Did you happen to read my post earlier this month? When There's a Failure to Communicate: Choose Love can be summed up in this paragraph from the post:

  Let's turn the tide. Change the momentum away from the contest and toward connection and problem-solving; toward learning and seeking to understand what fears and hopes underlie the views of those who think and believe differently from--and may even oppose--us.

  I appreciate the comments I received thanking me for speaking out about choosing love over fear. One reader said, "We haven't heard this voice enough--the voice that speaks for respectful communication. You're not just saying it's a good idea, you're standing up for decent process and respect."

  Decent process and respectful communication can be cultivated and practiced, like any muscle we want to strengthen....

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• August 28, 2018
  28Aug2018

  Food For Thought: Elevating the Culinary Experience

  

  I'm happy to tell you about a new book written by my sister, Deborah Rodin. Deb lives in Indianapolis and is an extraordinary combination of professional violinist, gourmet cook, gardener, and--most recently--writer and author. Her book is Food For Thought: Elevating the Culinary Experience.

  The reasons I like the book are many. I love my sister, for starters, and the various expressions of her creativity, passion, and love. Whether she's playing a Mozart sonata or preparing a Walnut Cake with Honey Cream Cheese Icing, she's connected to a source greater than herself. She writes about that connection in Food For Thought, while offering the reader appetizing recipes for dishes she created in her Indianapolis kitchen. The photography by Randy Baughn will make your mouth water...

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• August 14, 2018
  14Aug2018

  Internal Aikido: Being and Doing

  

  The new owner and chief instructor at Portsmouth Aikido, Aaron Cass, gave a seminar at the dojo recently on "Internal Aikido." It was enlightening, and fun. You may say this is what I do, and to some extent you'd be correct. I help individuals and organizations use the aikido metaphor to think and act more purposefully in stressful situations, like conflict. I teach them how to incorporate aikido principles, such as blending and redirecting energy by using words to listen, acknowledge, and express a point of view.

  However, Aaron was teaching something else--specifically  how to carry ourselves physically so that our posture is aligned in a way that allows for efficient and effortless body dynamics.

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• July 17, 2018
  17Jul2018

  Questions in Service of the Asked

  

  I first heard the phrase--"questions in service of the asked"--as a participant in a workshop with Essential Partners, originally the Public Conversations Project, in Boston. It took me some time--and a lot of practice--to figure out what it meant and how to do it.

  I've written previously about the power of inquiry, curiosity and discovery, of asking useful questions, and of acknowledging what you hear to make sure the "asked" knows you're listening. After almost 25 years of teaching, coaching, and my own experience in conflict situations (yes, I have them, too), I can still get stuck on what questions to ask. What would help unravel this conflict knot? How can I better see where this person is coming from? What needs to happen here to find resolution?

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• May 22, 2018
  22May2018

  How Not to Take Yourself So Seriously: 5 Practices

  

  
  "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." -- Elbert Hubbard

  
  Last week I was offered another lesson at the indoor pool where I swim. Sunday, it seems, has become everyone's favorite day. The pool was packed. Lane designations are important when it's crowded, and two lanes are reserved for slower, leisurely swimmers--like me.

  So, I was in the first leisure lane with two other swimmers, while another very slow swimmer was in the second lane. Things were flowing well until three guys got into the second leisure lane with the slower swimmer. They were much faster and kept running into him--literally.

  I got upset and finally spoke to the guys...

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• May 8, 2018
  8May2018

  Get Up and Get a Drink of Water

  

  I learned an emotion management technique from my local paper, in a story about Charles Donald Downing, a centenarian living in York Beach, Maine. 

  He and his wife--his "precious Irene"--were married 78 years. Although Irene died earlier this year at the age of 97, Charles reported they "never had a fight in all those years." I agree it's hard to believe. Their secret is that they made agreements with each other, and one of them was this: whenever a disagreement arose or they got angry, one of them would get up and get a drink of water. Then, after the pause, they would begin again, discuss things, and come to a conclusion on what to do.

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• April 24, 2018
  24Apr2018

  Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies

  

  Defusing difficult or angry customers calmly and assertively benefits the company, the customer, and the service representative. Managing any difficult situation requires clear communication and intention. You improve with practice. And the rewards, both in terms of personal comfort and bottom line profit, are great. The key lies in your ability to manage yourself so that you can manage and support the customer.

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• December 19, 2017
  19Dec2017

  Don't Take Anything Personally: Three Suggestions

  

  There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.

  When I ask workshop participants and coaching clients what they're hoping to gain from our work together and we begin to write down goals, they often say they want to learn how not to take the conflict personally. It's a very common theme.

  I look at this a lot, because I want that, too. In Don Miguel Ruiz's insightful book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements he suggests we make with ourselves to have a happier life is just this: "Don't Take Things Personally."

  Benjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying, "There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."

  I live in New Hampshire where winter can make each day a challenge. And, especially when I have to travel in snow and ice, I can even take the weather personally! 

  So how to we actually do it--not take things personally?

   

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• December 9, 2017
  9Dec2017

  This Little Light

  

  I decided to listen to my own CD yesterday. Driving home from a long distance errand, I put the disk in and was surprised at how it calmed me down and lifted me up--support I needed in that moment. 

  I wrote This Little Light: The Gift of Christmas a couple of years ago, and I hadn't listened to it in quite some time. In addition to my work as a conflict and communication skills trainer, I'm also a singer, and holiday carols are some of my favorite songs to sing. And, I like to write. So I combined these two loves in This Little Light--stories and songs of the season...

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