Showing posts in the category “Aikido”

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• August 1, 2023
  1Aug2023

  Unresolvable Conflict? Maybe It’s You

  

  Have you ever tried to resolve a conflict where one of the parties wasn't all that interested in resolution? Maybe it was you.

  Perhaps you acted as if you wanted to find resolution and said all the right things: 

  • “Let’s find a way to move forward”
  • “I know we can work this out.” 

  Maybe you did your best to adopt an inquiring stance, saying things like,

  • “Please tell me how you see it.”

  But nothing seemed to work because you weren’t really that interested if it meant you had to change—and so you didn’t commit to the process.

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• June 1, 2023
  1Jun2023

  Tension Contagion: Watching and Noticing

  

  When I watch aikido students in action, I always learn. At a recent seminar at Portsmouth Aikido, the dojo I founded in 1995, I had another opportunity to reinforce an awareness I've written about before.

  I'm not often on the mat these days, and it's always an experience in discovery to sit on the sidelines.

  For example, as I watched two beginners struggling to get the technique just right, their focus and commitment was intense, and I began to notice my own body tightening. I sensed the tension in the students' bodies as they practiced the technique, and I could feel it in my own as I observed...

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• October 1, 2022
  1Oct2022

  Everyday Aikido: Managing Yourself

  

  It's a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you'll be taught.

  -- Getting to Know You, The King and I

  I love the truth of this song from The King and I. I always learn more from my students and from the people I coach than I impart. Yes, I'm the instructor. I share concepts, tools, skills, and experiences from Aikido. It's the student, however, who is the expert in their life. Only they have the wisdom and ability to implement what they're learning. They understand the difficulty of their conflict in ways I cannot, and how what they're experiencing on the mat might apply in their everyday life (or not).

  Recently I was privileged to work with college students whose professor assigned them the task of journaling about their experience on the mat after the class was over (we were fortunate to have real mats and practice physical Aikido). 

  As I read through their journal entries, I knew what my next post would be. I hope you learn as much from the writing of these young  people as I did. Names have been changed. Sentiments are real....

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• September 1, 2022
  1Sep2022

  Every Day Gratitude: It's in the Noticing

  

  “Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” 
  ― Rumi

  Recently I was in a group under a tent on a beautiful day. The purpose of the gathering was to celebrate a beloved soul taken too early from a happy, meaning-filled life. The speakers were kind and considerate, and often tearful. I sat in the very large group, one of many who loved this person, and I looked about me at the loving faces, feeling the warm sun, a light breeze, and the depth of our common connection. And I noticed the ki moment....

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• March 1, 2022
  1Mar2022

  Love's in need of love today

  

  The gospel according to Stevie Wonder goes like this: 

  Love’s in need of love today

  Don’t delay, send yours in right away

  Hate’s goin' 'round breakin' many hearts

  Stop it, please, before it’s gone too far

  Love’s in need of love today

  And from Thích Nhất Hạnh 

  When you understand and you show you understand, you can love, and the situation changes.

  I recently returned from The Magic of Skiing program, held yearly by my friend and mentor, author and teacher Thomas Crum. It was indeed a magical program--a week of meditation, physical activity, deep conversation and community in the magical town of Aspen, Colorado. And, of course, skiing!! What I walked away with was a renewed sense of wonder at the love that exists in each of us.....

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• February 1, 2022
  1Feb2022

  this mystery called existence

  

  Last month I wrote about my intention to be more patient. I would ask for "just a little more" patience with life, with obstacles, with other people, and in general.

  Today I'm being patient with myself. My energy is low, I don't feel like myself, and it's hard not to wish for a different state of being. So I'm just noticing, wondering and writing. As Rumi says in my favorite Rumi poem...

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• November 1, 2021
  1Nov2021

  Thankful to Be Thankful--It's a Practice

  

  From early on in my professional career, and probably my whole life, I've been thankful that I'm thankful. Because I'm an aikidoist who teaches conflict skills, and because aikido teaches that the attack can be a gift when we embrace the energy, my ability to notice what's good has grown.

  My first book, Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict consists of 28 stories dedicated to this theme. And my blog is filled with posts about gratitude as a path to center, and the people in my life who have shown me how to be thankful, even when there seems to be nothing to be thankful for.

  And there are days, of course, when I forget to practice. I don't start the day with gratitude and I don't say "Thank you very much," when someone gets in my way. And that day isn't usually as easy or as fun. I notice what's hard and what's not good in my life, instead of what is.

  But because I do practice most days, I usually find my way back. And sometimes I get reminded. 

  I was reminded recently by a movie....

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• August 9, 2021
  9Aug2021

  The Mask as Metaphor

  

  I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently about masks. Of course I'm always alert to situations in which conflict might rear its head. I'm not looking for it, but I pay attention when it arises. I process, often in the moment, what I do, how I feel, and where I am on the centering continuum.

  I'm also curious about how people are managing this whole crazy pandemic world we're in, and what I might learn from talking with those who feel differently from me. Also, this was a friend I trust to be thoughtful, kind, and as curious as I am about these things. 

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• May 4, 2021
  4May2021

  Questions About Common Conflicts

  

  In my workshops and coaching, I'm often asked about how to resolve specific conflicts. Especially now that workshops are happening on Zoom, the questions that appear in "Chat" will often have similar themes. Two themes that appear frequently are ones around new relationships and others around "letting go."

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• January 12, 2021
  12Jan2021

  What is Leadership Presence? -- Finding Center, Accomplishing Purpose

  

  Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose...."

  ~ Martin Luther King, Jr., "Where Do We Go From Here"

  "Presence" can be tricky to define, and "leadership presence" trickier. Google searches produce thousands of pages and hundreds of thousands of hits. We're interested, it seems, in knowing what they mean, whether we have them, and how to acquire them.

  Fact is, we all have presence--a quality of mind, body and spirit that is us. Sometimes our presence is more evident to others, sometimes less. Sometimes we feel big, sometimes small and contracted.

  When we walk into a room, we influence the people and the environment in that room by our presence in it. It has changed because of us. And we are changed by our experience of what is already there.

  If you're aware of energy flow, you'll observe these changes when people enter and leave, and you'll gain awareness of how you can be more intentional about the influence you have.

  How would you describe your unique presence? ...

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