Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

Showing posts in the category “Leadership”

Show all posts

  • March 27, 2018

    Aikido Off the Mat: Tenkan and Acknowledgment

    Aikido Off the Mat: Tenkan and Acknowledgment

    (from my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, to be published April 2019, by Career Press)

    Quite a few Ki Moments posts over the years have focused on the power of acknowledgment in difficult conversations. I've even called it the "secret sauce" on occasion, because acknowledgment demonstrates respect for my partner’s position, and respect is a powerful thing.

    In aikido, there’s a body movement called tenkan, most often translated as “convert” or “change.” Tenkan “converts” the aikido attack into energy I can use, and is a physical embodiment of acknowledgment...

  • March 13, 2018

    Plus-Delta: Look for the Good

    Plus-Delta: Look for the Good

    They sat at the table, preparing for a phone call with their website designer. One by one, they enumerated all the problems with the site so as not to forget anything. The team member taking notes sat back for a minute and thought about the site as a whole. She visualized the new site, and saw there was a lot that was right about it. She asked the group if they thought so, too, and invited some feedback on what was working. There were quite a few things. 

    The mood of the gathering changed and became more appreciative. People were smiling instead of frowning.

  • February 27, 2018

    From Adversaries to Partners: Resolving Co-worker Conflict

    From Adversaries to Partners: Resolving Co-worker Conflict

    In my last two posts, I asked you to help me name my new book. And I received so much useful feedback--thank you! I asked for specific suggestions for the title, as well as your vote on the top four. I got all of that and more. I received some really helpful advice. For example:

    • I believe the title needs to clearly say what the benefit is to me. It has to get me to go, "Hmmm....," tweak my curiosity and compel me to to pick it up.
    • I wouldn't limit it to managers. If it says "leaders," both leaders and managers will think it applies to them.
    • The focus should be on WHAT you want to achieve through the book versus HOW. So I'm thinking Aikido isn't necessary for the title despite how integral it is to your message. 
    • My "take" is including aikido in your title will distinguish your book from the profusion of books in this field just as aikido distinguishes you professionally.
    • The title should make a prospective reader feel like the author "gets them" and knows what they most need and want and fear and hope for.
    • The word ‘aikido’ begins to define the book. It would be attractive for a certain segment of the population but might not be helpful for a broader audience.
    • "From Adversaries to Partners" paints a vivid picture of the issue (adversaries) to a desired solution (partners), which is much more powerful than just 'getting along'.
    • It sounds like the idea is to train the employees to resolve their own conflict so the manager no longer has to be in the middle.
    • As you look at all those titles, remember to breathe and pick the one that most resonates for you!

    It was tough, because some viewpoints directly contradicted others--just like life! ...

  • February 13, 2018

    Requesting Assistance -- Name That Book! (Part 2)

    Requesting Assistance -- Name That Book! (Part 2)

    If you read my last post, you know that I'm in the final stages of writing a second book, and that book needs a title. Thank you to everyone who responded--over 35 of you--when I asked for help.

    I was delighted! And your suggestions gave me a lot to work with.

    If you're willing to continue with me on this journey, I've narrowed the selections down to four, and I'm asking for your help to narrow them down a little more. Like last time, you can record your vote in the "Let’s discuss this post in the comments" section at the bottom of the post, or you can send me an email at judy@judyringer.com. And I'll send you a copy of my new book (in pdf or hard copy--your choice) when it's published.

    If you want to know more about the book's premise or read an excerpt, you can find all of that in the original post. Briefly, if you're my intended reader, you are:

    • A manager, supervisor, CEO, school principle/superintendent, or HR professional,
    • With two staff members who can’t get along,
    • And both are valuable to the organization.

    As their leader, you are looking for an approach to help your staff resolve their conflict. You're seeking skills for yourself, as well as a process you can follow to coach the parties and eventually bring them together to form a new working relationship...

  • September 12, 2017

    The Secret Ingredient in Difficult Conversations: Acknowledgment

    The Secret Ingredient in Difficult Conversations: Acknowledgment


    I'm writing a new book about how to manage and resolve employee conflict. One of the key ingredients in working with conflict and possibly the most underutilized communication skill is acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is the secret to turning difficult conversations around.

    Because it demonstrates a willingness and ability to reflect back a view or thought process that is different and possibly in opposition to your own, acknowledgment makes a powerful statement. It says, “I heard you, I’m trying to understand, and this is the meaning I’m making out of what I heard.” It shows respect and a disposition toward resolution....

  • June 20, 2017

    Coming to Center: An Aikido Guidebook for Managers with Employees in Conflict

    Coming to Center: An Aikido Guidebook for Managers with Employees in Conflict


    When you have two individuals at odds, and each is valuable to the organization, knowledgeable, experienced, and compatible with everyone but each other, what do you do?

    I'm in the process of writing a new book: Coming To Center, An Aikido Guidebook for Managers with Employees in Conflict.

    The book illustrates a four-phase model I use when I'm invited to coach employees who are in conflict with each other and can't find their way out.

    If this has happened in your team or organization, you may have tried:

    • The pep talkCome on, now, you can do this. Rise above it.
    • The appeal to compassion and empathyTry not to take things so personally; see things from their perspective.
    • The common-sense approachYour work is suffering. Something has to change. You don't have to be best friends, but you do have to work together and get the job done.

    You may have also tried evading, ignoring, and hoping the situation will resolve itself. You’ve probably brought the topic up at performance reviews and talked to colleagues, coaches, and consultants. And yet the problem persists.

  • June 6, 2017

    What Aikido Can Teach Us About Learning Plateaus

    What Aikido Can Teach Us About Learning Plateaus

    The achievement of goals is important. But the real juice of life, whether it be sweet or bitter, is to be found not nearly so much in the products of our efforts as in the process of living itself, in how it feels to be alive.
    ~George Leonard

    I receive many thoughtful responses to my monthly posts. Recently an Aikidoist from Canberra Australia, James Samana, emailed me some late night reflections on his Aikido journey. 

    James is a black belt in Aikido and works for the Australian Public Service as an executive coach, course designer and facilitator. I couldn't help extending his Aikido experience to the way we practice, learn, and attain mastery in any endeavor, including the mastery of conflict and communication--if that indeed ever happens.

  • May 9, 2017

    Want Creative Conflict? Find Thought Partners Who Disagree

    Want Creative Conflict? Find Thought Partners Who Disagree


    I had a great idea for a new workshop. My colleague disagreed. I disliked his feedback and dismissed it. He just didn't get it! 

    Later, I revisited what he said and decided to call back and ask for specifics. Why didn't he think people would want to attend? What would he change to make it more inviting and useful? I asked him to push back more and used the feedback to create a more compelling program.

    In her TED Talk, Dare to Disagree, on creative conflict, author and CEO Margaret Heffernan offers a view of conflict so contrary to the typical TV images, Facebook rage, and Twitter rants of positional confrontation, that it is difficult to believe, unless you've tried it. She tells the story of Alice Stewart, a British scientist in the 1950s, who theorized that x-rays of pregnant women proved damaging to the fetus. But to be sure, she invited a colleague--statistician George Kneale--to poke holes in her theory; to, in fact, disprove it. She wanted to make sure she hadn't missed anything...

  • March 15, 2017

    Leadership Presence and the Relational Field

    Leadership Presence and the Relational Field


    Relational fields are the invisible, yet palpable fields of energy that connect us when we are present with someone….

    The more resourceful and congruent we become, the more our energy and presence begins to shape the relational field in which we are interacting. Our organizing principle as an individual becomes an organizing principle in the system. 

     

    Leadership Presence: What is it exactly? I'm asked this question often, and recently I read a wonderful post by my colleage Doug Silsbee that offers deep insight into this question, as well as how to develop it and manifest it in the world. As Doug says, we are living in unprecedented times. Developing the awareness to understand how we influence our environment and do so purposefully is a much needed leadership competency.

    Thank you, Doug!

    Please enjoy Leadership Presence in Complexity, by Doug Silsbee

  • January 17, 2017

    Power & Love: What Would MLK Do?

    Power & Love: What Would MLK Do?

    Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. It is the strength required to bring about social, political, and economic change.... And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites, polar opposites, so that love is identified with the resignation of power, and power with the denial of love.... Now we've got to get this thing right. What [we need to realize is] that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.... It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitutes the major crisis of our times.
    ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
    "Where do We Go From Here?"

    The next time you find yourself choosing between power and love, see it as a false choice. You can be powerful and loving, assertive and understanding. Like courageous leaders everywhere, you can have strong opinions and be open to influence. It's a practice worth cultivating....

Page 1 of 8 Next