Support for life’s “key” moments.
I'm on a spiritual journey. The church happens to be the boat I'm traveling on.
~William Kent Krueger
I'm recently returned from a silent retreat at the Holy Cross Monastery in West Park, NY, the retreat title: "In Silence with Thomas Merton", with Brother Ephrem Arcement, OHC. It was wonderful, On many levels....
How often do I revisit what I teach? Almost every day.
When the difficult, courageous, crucial, purposeful or just plain hard-to-hold conversation is imminent, I get out my "Checklist", tips, and resources. I call supportive friends and get to work on myself--looking inward to see what makes "this" one different, challenging, and off-putting.
I know I'm not the only one who's tentative about these conversations. In fact, most recently I've noticed a plethora of articles on the subject, which all pretty much say the same thing.
I'm revisiting the topic today with a few of the most common coaching suggestions....
I had the good fortune recently to be reminded of Amanda Gorman's poem, "The Hill We Climb". At 22, Gorman was the youngest person ever to deliver a poem at a U.S. presidential inauguration as Joe Biden amd Kamala Harris were sworn in as President and Vice President.
These are tumultuous times, and we/I -- I'll speak for myself -- have days when I fear for my country's future and it's ability to recover from innumerable onslaughts, both internal and external.
"The Hill We Climb" brought hope today, and I share it here. If you like, you can watch again the Amanda Gorman's beautiful delivery on the Library of Congress website....
While I've written often over the years about the kind of conversations many of us put off (or never have) because it's just too hard, I believe wholeheartedly (and know from experience) that these tough conversations are the ones we need to have the most. If held well, they can build or rescue a relationship, find an elegant solution to a knotty problem, and even be energizing and thought-provoking....
Have you ever tried to resolve a conflict where one of the parties wasn't all that interested in resolution? Maybe it was you.
Perhaps you acted as if you wanted to find resolution and said all the right things:
Maybe you did your best to adopt an inquiring stance, saying things like,
But nothing seemed to work because you weren’t really that interested if it meant you had to change—and so you didn’t commit to the process.
When I watch aikido students in action, I always learn. At a recent seminar at Portsmouth Aikido, the dojo I founded in 1995, I had another opportunity to reinforce an awareness I've written about before.
I'm not often on the mat these days, and it's always an experience in discovery to sit on the sidelines.
For example, as I watched two beginners struggling to get the technique just right, their focus and commitment was intense, and I began to notice my own body tightening. I sensed the tension in the students' bodies as they practiced the technique, and I could feel it in my own as I observed...
Recently, I was playing with my niece and nephews, 4-year-old triplets full--really full--of rambunctious energy. It was total fun, and they wore me out. At one point, as I saw them headed my way for more playtime, I suggested we all take a breath.
I demonstrated what I meant by breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. After a few conscious breaths, I invited them to "play" along.
There was an immediate change...
It's a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you'll be taught.
-- Getting to Know You, The King and I
I love the truth of this song from The King and I. I always learn more from my students and from the people I coach than I impart. Yes, I'm the instructor. I share concepts, tools, skills, and experiences from Aikido. It's the student, however, who is the expert in their life. Only they have the wisdom and ability to implement what they're learning. They understand the difficulty of their conflict in ways I cannot, and how what they're experiencing on the mat might apply in their everyday life (or not).
Recently I was privileged to work with college students whose professor assigned them the task of journaling about their experience on the mat after the class was over (we were fortunate to have real mats and practice physical Aikido).
As I read through their journal entries, I knew what my next post would be. I hope you learn as much from the writing of these young people as I did. Names have been changed. Sentiments are real....
As I ponder the upcoming month, July 4--Independence Day--comes to mind. While I've written hundreds of posts over the years, my July posts suggest a similar theme--the freedoms we take for granted and how to remember these gifts every day.
Today I'm thinking about how we sometimes exercise our freedoms in ways that limit or harm, and what to do about that. In the spirit of free will and the constitutional freedoms we enjoy in the U.S., am I too impulsive? Am I jeopardizing the very freedoms I cherish and that hold our communities together?
Are these fair questions?....
The more you think you know about something, the less you actually do. I just finished reading Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know, by organizational psychologist Adam Grant.
The book's full of great stories and interesting facts (and great cartoons!). For example, here's an exercise directly from the book:
Compared to most people, how much do you think you know about each of the following topics--more, less, or the same?
You might be surprised by the answers, I know I was...
The Power & Presence site is designed to help the reader discover answers, skills, and methods to resolve conflict, build relationships, and become a more powerful and present human being. Judy Ringer is the author.
Aikido is the metaphor we use to help you be more intentional with your ki, communicate purposefully, and create your life and work from center.
Ki (pronounced “key”) is Japanese for universal energy; it’s the central syllable in Aikido, which is often translated as “the way of blending with energy”.
This is an educational website with many free resources.
Enjoy!