Showing posts in the category “Communication”

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• August 1, 2022
  1Aug2022

  The Elephant in the Room

  

  My guest post this month is by colleague and friend, Cinnie Noble, whose work as conflict management coach, author and teacher I have long admired.

  We talk about "the elephant in the room" all the time, and Cinnie's post helped me explore my own "elephants" and gain insight into how to acknowledge and work with them.

  THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, by Cinnie Noble

  As you likely know, when we use the metaphor – an elephant in the room – we mean there’s an obvious problem about which everyone in the room is fully aware but no one mentions. It may be an important topic that is too uncomfortable, controversial, embarrassing, inflammatory, or dangerous for people to raise.

  An elephant in the room might also represent the unspoken hurts or words. They are what is going on between disputing people that isn’t being said. They are the lingering doubts and the niggling feelings. They are the missing pieces of the puzzle. They are present without being identified....

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• June 1, 2022
  1Jun2022

  Simple Gifts and Ki Moments

  

  Self-imposed limits often instigate Ki Moments. When my ki feels stuck or restricted, I find it helps to ask how much of the restriction is of my own making? We are always making moment-to-moment choices about how to express our ki – whether and when to communicate about a conflict, for instance.

  My frustration with a neighbor and his new drums caused me to examine my options, when I found my ki stuck wondering whether and how to communicate....

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• May 1, 2022
  1May2022

  The Struggle Between "For" and "Against"

  I've been reading a book called The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion, by Jonathan Haidt, where I found the poem that leads this post. It should be no surprise that the poem struck me as a huge reason people are so divided these days. I don't know about you, but whenever a potentially divisive topic comes up in conversation, like vaccines, school choice, parent's rights, pro-life/pro-choice (I could keep going), I feel I should take a side. And if I won't, I feel judged as having taken one anyway! ...

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• April 1, 2022
  1Apr2022

  Finding Joy in Difficult Times: Being Intentional

  

  I introduced last month's Ki Moments post, "Love's In Need of Love Today," saying I can see love everywhere if I look for it. I feel the same this month about finding joy.

  While I'm sometimes happily and luckily surprised by joy (a butterfly floats by, my crocuses are coming up!) it seems that lately I have to make a more conscious effort.

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• March 1, 2022
  1Mar2022

  Love's in need of love today

  

  The gospel according to Stevie Wonder goes like this: 

  Love’s in need of love today

  Don’t delay, send yours in right away

  Hate’s goin' 'round breakin' many hearts

  Stop it, please, before it’s gone too far

  Love’s in need of love today

  And from Thích Nhất Hạnh 

  When you understand and you show you understand, you can love, and the situation changes.

  I recently returned from The Magic of Skiing program, held yearly by my friend and mentor, author and teacher Thomas Crum. It was indeed a magical program--a week of meditation, physical activity, deep conversation and community in the magical town of Aspen, Colorado. And, of course, skiing!! What I walked away with was a renewed sense of wonder at the love that exists in each of us.....

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• September 6, 2021
  6Sep2021

  Managing Difficult Conversations as You Return to School, Work, and Post-Pandemic Life

  

  There seems to be a surfeit of difficult conversations these days that hover around topics like masks, vaccines, back to school policies, world affairs, and the federal budget, just to name of few. I'm not even sure the title of this post accurately reflects our current state, as the "pan"-demic, according to many scientists and medical professionals, is becoming "en"-demic. The Covid 19 virus, they say, will be with us for a while, endemic to our health landscape, though that is also up for debate.

  An article by Meg Griffiths about the kinds of questions we have as the pandemic changes and continues to affect our work, family and communities came across my screen recently. Please read on to learn Meg's background and thoughts about transforming anxiety-ridden conversations into opportunities to listen, learn, and clarify intention....

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• June 29, 2021
  29Jun2021

  The Non-Comeback Comeback After an Insult

  

  Tammy Lenski is a frequent guest on my blog. I read her posts consistently, and I love sharing them. This one gave me pause not only because the Zen koan was so poignant but also because I have been on the other side of Tammy's story. I've had moments of judgment about mask wearers. I've never spoken my judgment out loud, but I've been there. Most of the time I center myself and shift fairly quickly to wonder, curiosity, and non-judgment. And now, thanks to Tammy's story--to compassion.

  As always, I'm grateful to Tammy for sharing her wisdom, and for the insight I gained. Enjoy this great story and the Zen koan.....

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• June 15, 2021
  15Jun2021

  The Gift of Asking for Help

  

  Last week my car battery died unexpectedly. Early in the day, I went into my garage and put a CD into the car player to check if the CD still played (my home player wasn't working). It did (yay!) so I ejected the CD, came into the house and went on with my day. 

  About 2:30, I looked for my keys to get ready to drive to an appointment about 20 minutes away. My keys were not in their usual place. I got a sinking feeling. I went out to the garage, and there they were in the ignition (in "alt" position) where I'd left them five hours earlier. Oh no. No juice left in the battery. I'd drained it.

  My husband was unavailable and so was his car. I thought of a few friends I might call. Although this was an appointment I didn't want to miss, I hesitated. I don't find it easy to ask for this kind of help--for someone to drive me somewhere or (heaven forbid) loan me their car, especially on such short notice. It felt like a big favor, and I went back and forth for a while. Do I cancel? Reschedule? Call someone? ....

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• June 1, 2021
  1Jun2021

  Should I Say Something? When to Speak Up In a Group

  

  A reader wrote in recently with a difficult (and common) question about when to speak up in a group, and what to do if you speak and then wish you hadn't.

  From my reader:

  I read your message on how you can always center yourself--anytime and anywhere. However I have a hard time knowing when to speak up in a spiritual circle I belong to. We’re supposed to listen and not acknowledge our reactions, and this is hard for me. Sometimes I speak and have a tough time feeling okay afterward, as if I'd done something wrong. Any advice?

  I love this question because it hits on something that happens to me quite often, and I know from experience what it's like to wonder whether I should say something or stay quiet in a group setting....

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• May 18, 2021
  18May2021

  Thinking Again: Why "What We Don't Know" Is Important

  

  The more you think you know about something, the less you actually do. I just finished reading Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know, by organizational psychologist Adam Grant. 

  The book's full of great stories and interesting facts (and great cartoons!). For example, here's an exercise directly from the book:

  Compared to most people, how much do you think you know about each of the following topics--more, less, or the same?

  • Why English became the official language of the United States
  • Why women were burned at the stake in Salem
  • What job Walt Disney had before he drew Mickey Mouse
  • On which spaceflight humans first laid eyes on the Great Wall of China
  • Why eating candy affects how kids behave

  You might be surprised by the answers, I know I was...

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