Support for life’s “key” moments.
Indeed.
I visit curiosity often in these posts. Curiosity--a key communication skill that helps us manage our ki (energy) in times of stress, struggle, and conflict.
One of my favorite curiosity stories was written back in August, 2013: "I'd Actually Have to Be Curious!" I was reminded of the story recently when my husband said: "I'm just curious," and asked me a question like, "What makes you want to do it that way?"
I was walking with a friend who said she'd been having trouble sleeping. I listened for a bit and then began to share some practices I thought would be helpful when she wakes up in the middle of the night. We're good friends and our relationship weathered this advice-giving diversion on my part. She told me she appreciated the intervention, but what she really wanted was for me to hear her frustration.
Have you ever "shifted" a conversation to yourself and your story when you thought you were empathizing, helping, or adding relevance? ...
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
—Mary Oliver**
Something there is that doesn't love a wall....
--Robert Frost*
I have been gifted recently with opportunities to think about life, what life is about and for, and what I in particular am here to do with my "one wild and precious life."
This past year a good, good friend died too young, a close family member became quite ill, another is aging physically and emotionally, and yet another is suffering grief over an ailing child....
It's a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you'll be taught.
-- Getting to Know You, The King and I
I love the truth of this song from The King and I. I always learn more from my students and from the people I coach than I impart. Yes, I'm the instructor. I share concepts, tools, skills, and experiences from Aikido. It's the student, however, who is the expert in their life. Only they have the wisdom and ability to implement what they're learning. They understand the difficulty of their conflict in ways I cannot, and how what they're experiencing on the mat might apply in their everyday life (or not).
Recently I was privileged to work with college students whose professor assigned them the task of journaling about their experience on the mat after the class was over (we were fortunate to have real mats and practice physical Aikido).
As I read through their journal entries, I knew what my next post would be. I hope you learn as much from the writing of these young people as I did. Names have been changed. Sentiments are real....
My guest post this month is by colleague and friend, Cinnie Noble, whose work as conflict management coach, author and teacher I have long admired.
We talk about "the elephant in the room" all the time, and Cinnie's post helped me explore my own "elephants" and gain insight into how to acknowledge and work with them.
THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, by Cinnie Noble
As you likely know, when we use the metaphor – an elephant in the room – we mean there’s an obvious problem about which everyone in the room is fully aware but no one mentions. It may be an important topic that is too uncomfortable, controversial, embarrassing, inflammatory, or dangerous for people to raise.
An elephant in the room might also represent the unspoken hurts or words. They are what is going on between disputing people that isn’t being said. They are the lingering doubts and the niggling feelings. They are the missing pieces of the puzzle. They are present without being identified....
Self-imposed limits often instigate Ki Moments. When my ki feels stuck or restricted, I find it helps to ask how much of the restriction is of my own making? We are always making moment-to-moment choices about how to express our ki – whether and when to communicate about a conflict, for instance.
My frustration with a neighbor and his new drums caused me to examine my options, when I found my ki stuck wondering whether and how to communicate....
I've been reading a book called The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion, by Jonathan Haidt, where I found the poem that leads this post. It should be no surprise that the poem struck me as a huge reason people are so divided these days. I don't know about you, but whenever a potentially divisive topic comes up in conversation, like vaccines, school choice, parent's rights, pro-life/pro-choice (I could keep going), I feel I should take a side. And if I won't, I feel judged as having taken one anyway! ...
I introduced last month's Ki Moments post, "Love's In Need of Love Today," saying I can see love everywhere if I look for it. I feel the same this month about finding joy.
While I'm sometimes happily and luckily surprised by joy (a butterfly floats by, my crocuses are coming up!) it seems that lately I have to make a more conscious effort.
Don’t delay, send yours in right away
Hate’s goin' 'round breakin' many hearts
Stop it, please, before it’s gone too far
Love’s in need of love today
When you understand and you show you understand, you can love, and the situation changes.
I recently returned from The Magic of Skiing program, held yearly by my friend and mentor, author and teacher Thomas Crum. It was indeed a magical program--a week of meditation, physical activity, deep conversation and community in the magical town of Aspen, Colorado. And, of course, skiing!! What I walked away with was a renewed sense of wonder at the love that exists in each of us.....
There seems to be a surfeit of difficult conversations these days that hover around topics like masks, vaccines, back to school policies, world affairs, and the federal budget, just to name of few. I'm not even sure the title of this post accurately reflects our current state, as the "pan"-demic, according to many scientists and medical professionals, is becoming "en"-demic. The Covid 19 virus, they say, will be with us for a while, endemic to our health landscape, though that is also up for debate.
An article by Meg Griffiths about the kinds of questions we have as the pandemic changes and continues to affect our work, family and communities came across my screen recently. Please read on to learn Meg's background and thoughts about transforming anxiety-ridden conversations into opportunities to listen, learn, and clarify intention....
The title of my book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, says it all. Through interactive presentations and individual coaching, I’ll help you transform conflict by changing your relationship to it. Aikido is the metaphor we’ll use to become more intentional and less reactive, to communicate directly and respectfully, and to create your life and work on purpose.
Ki (pronounced “key”) is Japanese for universal energy or life force; it’s the central syllable in Aikido and the symbol you see in my logo.