Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

Showing posts with the tag “Difficult People”

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  • April 24, 2018

    Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies

    Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies

    Defusing difficult or angry customers calmly and assertively benefits the company, the customer, and the service representative. Managing any difficult situation requires clear communication and intention. You improve with practice. And the rewards, both in terms of personal comfort and bottom line profit, are great. The key lies in your ability to manage yourself so that you can manage and support the customer.

  • December 19, 2017

    Don't Take Anything Personally: Three Suggestions

    Don't Take Anything Personally: Three Suggestions

    There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.

    When I ask workshop participants and coaching clients what they're hoping to gain from our work together and we begin to write down goals, they often say they want to learn how not to take the conflict personally. It's a very common theme.

    I look at this a lot, because I want that, too. In Don Miguel Ruiz's insightful book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements he suggests we make with ourselves to have a happier life is just this: "Don't Take Things Personally."

    Benjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying, "There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing."

    I live in New Hampshire where winter can make each day a challenge. And, especially when I have to travel in snow and ice, I can even take the weather personally! 

    So how to we actually do it--not take things personally?


  • February 14, 2017

    Conflict as a Gift

    Conflict as a Gift

    A key belief and teaching in conflict resolution is that conflict can be useful--an opportunity to learn, grow and see something the conflict is trying to show us.

    Why then do we run from conflict or turn it into life- and relationship-threatening wars? Why do we behave as if conflict is the opposite of a gift--a terrible, negative thing? Some reasons are fear, poor role models, and lack of skill, to name a few...

  • November 10, 2015

    Unlikely Teachers and Hidden Gifts

    Unlikely Teachers and Hidden Gifts

    November is an inspirational month. I find the cultivation of gratitude a powerful path to centered presence and to finding the gift in every moment. Thanks-giving permeates my thoughts. And there is so much to notice....

  • September 1, 2015

    The Enduring Question: What If They Won't Change?

    The Enduring Question: What If They Won't Change?

    Trying not to change someone--in fact realizing you can't--and holding that space from center may feel like you're suspended in mid-air, not knowing, just taking one breath at a time, one step at a time, relinquishing control. As challenging as it may be, this is a place of learning and growth. Being comfortable with discomfort, as my yoga teacher says.

  • May 13, 2014

    The Art of Noticing: 3 Steps for Returning to Center

    The Art of Noticing: 3 Steps for Returning to Center

    My mind is going a million miles a minute, in a dozen directions. As I lie on the yoga mat, I think:

    Stay here.

    I manage it for 3-4 seconds and then I'm off on some thought train.

    Find your Stillness.

    Yes, for 3-4 seconds more, and off again.

    When meditating each morning, I count my breaths. I'm lucky if get to 5 before I lose track and have to start over. As I count, I'm present. I feel the breath come in and out. Then ... I'm not.

    That's the point. To notice and come back.

    To return to center. 

    On the mat ... and in life...

  • March 5, 2013

    It Takes Two, Correct? Resolving Conflict By Yourself

    It Takes Two, Correct? Resolving Conflict By Yourself

    Judy – I read your Clear Communication article today. What happens when the other person just isn’t seeing or acknowledging my intent, despite trying multiple ways to state it clearly? What if that person continues to come back in defense no matter how much centering I do? What then? When is it time to just let it go, stop trying and just move on? Are there some conversations that just won’t work no matter? It does take 2, correct?

    Sincerely frustrated :O

    It Takes Two, Correct?

    I hear this question a lot. Workshop participants, Ki Moments subscribers, and coaching clients all want to know: “it takes two, correct?”

    I wonder, when we say this, if we are expecting more from the other person than they can give.

  • August 1, 2009

    Ki Moments August 2009

    It’s hard to like everyone. Some of our colleagues are great partners; we know their style and blend easily with their energy. With others we are always out of step.