Support for life’s “key” moments.
In Turn Enemies Into Allies, I share multiple stories about seeing events through another’s eyes. I sometimes find that easy to do, and other times not easy at all. I think wearing masks in this Covid environment when we’re in close proximity to one another is a good idea, for example, and I’m not trying too hard to see the other side of that argument. And… I know there is one....
My friend and colleague Amanda Ridings recently wrote a new book, Weekly Leadership Contemplations. I'm really enjoying it and wanted to share one of her pieces with you called "Beyond words".
As the book title suggests, Weekly Leadership Contemplations offers 52 short pieces, each one ending with questions for contemplation. The book is designed for leaders, and I find it can work its wonders on anyone. I appreciate that Amanda understands the tight schedule most leaders have, and so gives us short pieces with thoughtful questions to reflect on each week.
Recently a reader sent me a question after reading my “Checklist for Difficult Conversations” at JudyRinger.com. She described a difficult conversation in which her daughter said some things that were hard for her to hear. Afterwards Mom was struggling not to take her daughter’s remarks personally and asked for advice and maybe some tools to help her respond and not make things worse.
The following is how I replied to Mom. Since most of us have similar goals to hold conversations that are useful, to not take tough comments personally, and to stay grounded in purpose, I’m sharing my reply more broadly.
We all live in a Culture of Advocacy. Most of us are more interested in being heard than in hearing. So when a coworker trespasses on your territory, your sibling pushes your buttons, or your 15-year old shuts down, make solving the problem your focus and invite your conflict partner to help you figure it out.
If advocating is all you do, you will have few listeners. They’ll get tired or bored. If, on the other hand, you are a skilled listener, people will flock to you. And they will listen back. The most useful strategy for being heard is to educate.
What stops you from saying what’s on your mind?
Emotions happen. We can, however, make choices about how we manage them.
By giving your partner the freedom to deliver his ideas, he is more open to receiving yours. Now, frame your message so that it is more likely to be heard.
In this season of giving, what will you give yourself and your relationships? Is there a “stuckness” somewhere that could be freed up by finding your center and communicating in a new way with someone you love?
The Power & Presence site is designed to help the reader discover answers, skills, and methods to resolve conflict, build relationships, and become a more powerful and present human being. Judy Ringer is the author.
Aikido is the metaphor we use to help you be more intentional with your ki, communicate purposefully, and create your life and work from center.
Ki (pronounced “key”) is Japanese for universal energy; it’s the central syllable in Aikido, which is often translated as “the way of blending with energy”.
This is an educational website with many free resources.
Enjoy!