Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

March 1, 2011

Ki Moments March 2011

Take a centering breath.

Smile. Be kind to yourself. And appreciate all your emotions.

Is it possible to be angry and centered at the same time? Let's hope so. Let me know what you think of today's story. And feel free to pass it along. The link at the bottom makes it easy. (We never disclose subscriber information.)

Good ki!

Judy Ringer

On Defusing Anger – Rx for Managing Emotions

Emotions happen. We can, however, make choices about how we manage them. If you consider emotions simply a form of life energy, you can begin to reframe the notion that there are "good" and "bad" emotions and direct that energy in positive ways.

The energy of anger, for example, can make you reactive. Or it can help you gain clarity about why you're so charged, recover control of yourself in the moment, and develop a more intentional communication style.

Five Tips to Manage Your Anger in the Heat of the Moment:

1. Stop, breathe, and center yourself. When you're under stress, notice if you're holding your breath. Without knowing it, you likely close your throat and tense up, losing perspective, awareness, and the ability to make wise choices – just when you need these faculties the most. So stop, notice the tension, and open your throat. Let the incoming breath reconnect you with your best self.

2. Move from judgment to wonder. Why would a reasonable human being behave this way? An attitude of curiosity is useful in difficult moments. It introduces a learning stance, transforms anger, and brings you back to center. Curiosity and wonder are powerful tools to put in your conflict toolbox.

3. See the different parts of people. When you're angry, you will see only the part of your "opponent" that you're upset with. When you speak to that part, you get more of the same. So look for other parts – the person who is a good friend, brother, sister, worker. When you see that part, you'll find you communicate differently.

4. Inquire and listen. Asking an honest and open question to try to understand the other person is a powerful antidote to anger. As you become quiet and attentive, you also give yourself time to breathe, center, and regain control of your emotions. Listening is an art and an ally under stress.

5. State your thoughts, hopes, and feelings. When you take the time to center yourself, understand your emotions, and hear your conflict partner's view, you're more likely to communicate a message your partner can hear.

Anger can damage relationships, but it can also strengthen them. When you breathe, center, inquire, and respond intentionally, you take control back. And you're also more likely to be heard.


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Contact Information
Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment.

E-mail Judy at for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs. Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.

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