Welcome to June's issue of Ki Moments,

and thank you for subscribing. This issue offers tips on a question that comes up frequently in my workshops. What do you do when others are in conflict, and you feel "in the middle"? Should you help, and how?

Keep in mind that not every conflict needs your help. Some may see a well-intentioned suggestion from a coworker or family member as an intrusion. On the other hand, if you manage or supervise others, it's important to help create a safe environment where conflict is addressed.

You may have to help your employees sit together, listen, and talk to one another, modeling purposeful communication skills such as Inquiry, Acknowledgment and Advocacy. When they cannot hold the conversation themselves, how do you lend support?

For suggestions from a professional mediator, read our feature article: "In the Middle."

Good ki!

Judy Ringer
 

In the Middle

Consider this scenario: You are the manager of a workplace team, in which two individuals don't get along. You have asked them to work it out, but they don't seem able to do it on their own. What should you do?

While not exactly mediation, it has some similar characteristics, so I asked my friend and professional mediator, Dr. Tammy Lenski, for her thoughts on the subject, and you may find that you can apply these strategies to situations outside the workplace as well.

From Dr. Tammy Lenski:

Mediating as a manager is a special challenge, since you're not really impartial in the way a professional mediator would be. You care about the outcome, often have already formed opinions about the individuals involved, and may well have some clear ideas about what would fix the problem they face. Here are a few tips from the professional mediator's toolbox to help you balance your own stake in the outcome with effective problem-solving help:

1. Resist the temptation to tell your team members how to fix the problem or give them advice. Most professional mediators don't give advice or determine who's most right. Instead, focus your energy on helping them have an effective conversation and leave the problem-solving to them.
2. Sit down with each individual before you sit down with the pair or group. Professional mediators call this "pre-mediation" and know that the advance conversation can make a huge difference in the outcome of the mediation itself. Use the one-on-one conversation to help each individual team member get clear on realistic goals and prepare them to bring their best self to the mediation table. Find out what they'd like you to do (and not do) to help them talk out the problem.
3. Don't let your own discomfort with conflict get in their way. Professional mediators learn how to manage their own discomforts and biases so they don't impose them on their clients. You can do the same by not pushing individuals to problem-solve before the problem they're trying to solve is fully understood and named in a way they both understand.

Dr. Tammy Lenski writes and teaches on mediation and mindfulness. Visit her website at: http://conflictzen.com

Other Resources:

Peer Mediation in School Systems: Richard Cohen
http://schoolmediation.com/

Anger Management Resources for Children and Teens: Meredith Richardson
http://resolution.squarespace.com/

In a Pickle?, a new book by Joy Jacobs.

Conflict puts the workplace environment at risk and if not addressed can become ingrained and eventually polarize what was once a high-functioning team. Take steps sooner rather than later.

At Power & Presence Training, we have associates with expertise in conflict and stress management, leadership development, strategic planning, customer service, and powerful presentations. Let us know how we can help.
 

Are You Conflict Avoidant?

Do you avoid having the difficult conversations that can turn conflict into an opportunity for team learning and growth? Fear, anxiety, and lack of skill can sabotage effective leadership and undermine relationships.

Becoming more conflict competent is a necessary part of leadership in today's workplace. The Conflict Dynamics Profile (CDP) helps leaders change their response to conflict by understanding the constructive and destructive behaviors they engage in and the hot buttons that trigger unconscious reactions. The CDP is a powerful self-assessment or 360-degree coaching tool. Power & Presence Training can provide this assessment for you.

For more information on the Conflict Dynamics Profile, contact us.

Contact Information:
Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560
website: www.judyringer.com

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at judy@judyringer.com for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.

Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.