Welcome to your September Ki Moments,
with ki (energy) for those "key" moments of life. It's been a busy summer! I've worked with business owners, college administrators, hospital staff, and mediators from Vermont to Virginia. And this month will take me to Colorado.
How do you manage the situation when the other person is losing it? Read on ...
And please send me your Ki Moments when they occur.
Most of the time, Ki Moments focuses on our ki and how to manage it in order to stay balanced and centered. What happens if you're in a conversation or a conflict and the other person is out of control? How do you manage their strong ki, especially when it's forcefully directed at you?
It takes courage to engage in conflict conversations, especially if prior experience produced outcomes that were unwanted, unexpected, or worse. Regardless of how centered and purposeful you are, confronting a problem (especially a problem that's been avoided for a while) can be upsetting - to your partner, the group, and the general atmosphere.
Sometimes you make the decision about whether to bring up a difficult topic. Sometimes the moment is thrust upon you. In either case, there will be energy (ki) coming toward you in the form of words, gestures, voice tone, volume, and unspoken (hidden) ki that you need to manage.
In Aikido on the mat, my partner and I give and receive energy through blending movements, touch, and intention. Rather than seeing it as an attack, the Aikidoist considers what is coming at her simply as energy, to be used and redirected.
Off the mat, you can use movement, words, and attitude to help you:
- Build a willingness to confront difficult moments,
- Take care of yourself in the process, and
- Handle whatever may come as a result.
When strong language or emotion is coming toward you, move. Literally step or turn sideways. Imagine you can see the oncoming verbal and emotional energy moving past you as you watch it, fascinated and curious.
Ask a Question. Let your partner talk until they run out of steam, while you center yourself. If you can't think of a question, here are some generic phrases that may work:
- "This seems important. Can you say more?"
- "What specifically is it about this (subject topic, issue, problem) that is most frustrating (annoying, troublesome, upsetting)?"
Don't take anything personally. Easier said than done, I know, but your partner's reaction is really not about you. It is about how he/she sees the situation from their lens on the world, from their story, so ...
Jump into Discovery
Decide to be fascinated with what they're telling you instead of hurt, angry, or any other way of being that limits you.
Whether you choose to bring up a tough topic or the conversation is brought to you, receive your partner's ki with awareness and purpose, and turn what feels like an attack into useful energy. You have more power than you think.
For more articles on centering and purpose, go to the Ki Moments Archives page and use the search engine in the right margin.
Send Me Your Ki Moments
I'm starting a new project - a CD of Ki Moments stories, quotations, and songs that lift the spirit, encourage centered reflection, and support ongoing practice.
It would be great if I could include some of your Ki Moments. It might be a moment preparing for a workplace conversation or a family moment that strengthened a relationship or resolved a conflict.
If you have one you'd like to share, please email me at email@example.com.
Horse Sense Workshop!
There's been a lot of wonderful energy for Power and Presence Training's new workshop on "Horse Sense: Lessons in Leadership Through Connecting with Horses" where we will explore what horses can teach us about leadership, relationship, and influence.
Pam McPhee, Director of the Browne Center for Innovative Learning, and I are presenting this new hands-on program on Oct. 3. If you're interested in developing your leadership capacity you'll want to be there. No previous experience is needed; we will not be riding.
The group will be limited to 12 so register today! Your spot will be reserved once payment is received in full.
- Date: Wednesday, October 3, 9 am to 4 pm
- Location: University of New Hampshire's Browne Center for Innovative Learning (Durham, NH)
- Tuition: $155.00 per person. Early Bird registration (Sept. 25): $145.00. Alums: $130.00
Learn more and register here
Managing Difficult Situations
On Dec. 1, I'll be teaching a course for the UNH Center for Graduate and Professional Studies at Pease Tradeport in Portsmouth (NH) called "Managing Difficult Situations by Managing Yourself."
If managing people has become frustrating, if your relationships with coworkers have deteriorated to the point of avoidance, or if you find yourself wishing, "If only they would change!," then come view life from a more powerful perspective.
This workshop is for supervisors, managers, and anyone interested in learning skills and perspectives for strengthening relationships with coworkers, supervisors, and direct reports.
The deadline for registration is November 23. Call 603-431-2515.
Many of the principles reflected in Ki Moments come from Aikido, the Japanese martial art that teaches self-defense through the redirection of energy.
If you're interested in practicing Aikido and you live locally, Portsmouth Aikido is an ongoing martial arts school at the Seacoast Y in Portsmouth. Classes are held on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. You can also stop by anytime and watch a class.
The next Aikido Beginner Class starts September 23. The eight-week course runs through November 11, from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. each Sunday. The cost is $95.00 per person for the course and includes a Portsmouth Aikido t-shirt. Anyone aged 12 or older is welcome. Gift certificates available!
Visit the Portsmouth Aikido Website
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at firstname.lastname@example.org for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.
Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.