Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

August 1, 2007

Ki Moments August 2007

Welcome to your August issue of Ki Moments,

with ki (energy) for those "key" moments of life.

Do you struggle with Perfection? I do, as you'll see. But it doesn't keep me from singing! Turn up your speakers and listen below.

Good ki!

Judy Ringer


Weight of Perfection

Ah me! I was preparing for a workshop and found myself exhibiting the symptoms of a full-blown Perfection Infection (i.e., the need to be perfect): grouchiness and irritability; obsessive thinking about the workbook, the location, the participants; angst about whether I would be "good enough," whether the material was appropriate for the group, and so on.

I worried myself into a state of anxiety I hadn't experienced in quite a while. Then my husband Jim asked me: "If you didn't feel you had to be perfect, weren't preoccupied with the flawless handout or being wonderful enough, would you enjoy your work more?"

And the answer was, of course, I'd derive much more enjoyment from the whole delightful process.

Perfection vs. Discovery

I first learned the distinction between Perfection and Discovery from Thomas Crum's books and teachings on centering: The Magic of Conflict, Journey to Center, and Three Deep Breaths.

Being perfect means being right or looking good, often at the expense of the relationship or solving the problem, and sometimes to the detriment of my own well-being. I'm more interested in whether I measure up than in the purpose behind my actions. While there may be external judges, the one inside my head usually carries the most weight.

Discovery Is a Lighter Place

I'm present, connected, and moving in a useful direction. Sudden changes or unanticipated outcomes are an invitation to see something new. I'm spontaneous and fascinated with "what is," and life feels playful.

Perfection in a presenter can be deadly. Second-guessing myself from moment to moment creates an inner dialogue that stifles free flow, and I gradually lose connection with my purpose and with the audience.

Perfection's not a fun place to be. And the key is to take a Discovery Pill. "If only it were that easy," you say. Well, it kind of is. If you've read my book Unlikely Teachers, you know the story about the "Lucky Baby Planet," when Jim and I transformed a difficult situation into a lovely evening by changing the way we thought about it.

Sometimes it feels harder; I'm really stuck in anxiety, frustration, or fear. And maybe it takes a little longer. While there's no magic wand that alters reality, I can learn to breathe, center, and stay present to this moment, and watch as these choices help me move through anxiety to fascination; through frustration to curiosity; through the weight of Perfection into the lightness of Discovery.

The need to be perfect and control everything keeps the Universe from coming to my aid and from magically stepping in with the unimagined manifestation of true perfection.

So, the moral of the story is, it's up to you. Take a moment now to jump into Discovery and lighten up, live, and laugh at it all.


Listen to Judy sing Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries

Conflict CD

Would you like to reinforce useful conflict and communication practices on your way to work?

In my 30-minute CD, Managing Conflict in the Workplace: An Aiki Approach, I answer frequently asked conflict questions, including ways to practice centering and manage difficult conversations.

"I am listening to your CD and find that repeated listening over time has enabled me to 'hear' different phrases and ideas that you discuss. It seems they 'appear' just when I need to hear them."
--Leila Black, RN, Public Health Nurse

Cost: $10.00

Purchase CD ($10.00)


Powerful Presentations

There's still time to register for Powerful Presentations next week.

If you would like to improve your presentation style and boost your confidence and poise in front of groups, join Susan Losapio and me on Tuesday, August 14, from 9-4, at Pease Tradeport in Portsmouth. Register by Aug. 9 for additional savings.

Learn more and register here


Conflict Dynamics

I recently became certified in a new conflict instrument, called the Conflict Dynamics Profile, created by a team of trainers at Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, FL.

I really like this new instrument as it names and quantifies both constructive and destructive conflict behaviors and helps people understand their hot buttons and what triggers them. It can be given as an individual learning/coaching tool or as a 360-degree assessment.

Contact me for information on how to present the CDP to your team or for an individual coaching session.

Learn more at the Eckerd College Website.



Portsmouth Aikido

Many of the principles reflected in Ki Moments come from aikido, the Japanese martial art that teaches self-defense through the redirection of energy.

If you're interested in practicing aikido and you live locally, Portsmouth Aikido is an ongoing martial arts school at the Seacoast Y in Portsmouth. Classes are held on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. You can also stop by anytime and watch a class.

The next Aikido Beginner Class starts September 23. The eight-week course runs through November 11, from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. each Sunday. The cost is $95.00 per person for the course and includes a Portsmouth Aikido t-shirt. Anyone aged 12 or older is welcome. Gift certificates available!


Learn more about Portsmouth Aikido


Contact Information
Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560
website: www.judyringer.com

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at judy@judyringer.com for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.

Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.

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