Showing posts with the tag “Unlikely Teachers”

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• October 1, 2024
  1Oct2024

  Discovery on an Icy Bridge

  

  Adapted from Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, by Judy Ringer

  Driving home late one night during the first snow of the season, I hit a patch of ice on a slippery bridge and struck the barrier that separates the bridge from the air and the water. I careened off one side of the bridge, slid across three lanes of Interstate 95, and scraped along the barrier on the opposite side. 

  Luckily there weren’t any other cars nearby.

  As I slid on the frozen surface, my first awareness was fear. Then, as the car connected with the barrier, I was jolted into a powerfully present state of being. What flashed through my mind was: I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here for it. 

  Then, deep calm, peace, and presence....

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• December 1, 2022
  1Dec2022

  Death As An Ally

  

  Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

  —Mary Oliver**

  Something there is that doesn't love a wall....

  --Robert Frost*

  I have been gifted recently with opportunities to think about life, what life is about and for, and what I in particular am here to do with my "one wild and precious life." 

  This past year a good, good friend died too young, a close family member became quite ill, another is aging physically and emotionally, and yet another is suffering grief over an ailing child....

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• November 3, 2020
  3Nov2020

  Difficult People Are Angels Sent To Help You. No, Seriously.

  

  In Which My Difficult Neighbor, Who I Don’t Like, Teaches Me Something

  Many thanks to Joe Dunn, Executive Coach, for his guest post....

  Bob The Neighbor

  I have a neighbor. Let’s call him Bob (it’s not his name). I really, really don’t like Bob, and apparently he doesn’t like me. The details don’t matter a lot, but ten years ago Bob and I got into a nasty altercation involving my young son. It was bad. We got close to having lawyers involved. It was never resolved and since then we ignore each other, cross to the other side of the street when we pass. Ugh.

  This seems unlikely to change. When I think about Bob, I get angry, and a little scared. The sheer rage with which he yelled at me was frightening, and, from my point of view, completely unjustified. Together we entered that place of complete incomprehension, that state where a person becomes the Other, something not quite human, impossible to understand, and definitely not on our side.

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• August 11, 2020
  11Aug2020

  Remaining Centered While Living Your Dream

  

  Living in an RV and traveling the U.S. is a life-long dream for many people. Of course it is a dream to travel where we want, when we want, and to not have to worry about seasons. If it’s too hot, we go north. Too dry, we head to water. If we get sick of the ocean we go to the mountains. You get the idea.

  But when, in one 24-hour period a few weeks ago, we hit a very large deer, were backed into by a Prius, and had an engine malfunction, I completely lost my center...

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• July 2, 2019
  2Jul2019

  Another Lesson at The Pool: Being a Good Neighbor

  

  I'm a swimmer. Not a competitve one, but one who enjoys getting in the water for 30-45 minutes each morning to center myself and begin the day. I usually swim between 6:30 and 7:30 am. It's a busy pool at that time, and I often run into "unlikely teacher" lane partners--which I've written about in the past.

  I've been swimming at my pool for almost 40 years (since it opened), and I can get territorial. I have a favorite lane, which I think of as "my lane" (I know, I'm not proud of this, just telling it like it is). And I think new members should familiarize themselves with pool rules about circle swimming, showering, and the lanes designated for faster swimmers, leisure swimmers and so on. So I see myself as an elder at my pool, if you will, and do my best to respectfully enforce some of the etiquette. But today I received a well-timed and delivered etiquette lesson from Sam (not his real name), who didn't even know he was teaching.

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• May 21, 2019
  21May2019

  Finding My Better Self: How About a Cup of Coffee?

  

  An article I wrote many years ago has seen a lot of play recently on various internet sites. It's called "Working with Difficult People: Turn Tormentors Into Teachers". The article has been generating a lot of comments from readers hoping to think differently about the unlikely teachers in their lives. It seems clear that most of us have these folks in our lives and just as clear that we’d really like to change them from tormentors to teachers.

  I’m certainly no different.  And maybe because of the article, and maybe just because I want to walk the walk as well as the talk, I decided to practice one recent day with a "tormentor" of my own...

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• December 6, 2016
  6Dec2016

  It's All So Simple

  

  In his thoughtful and thought provoking song "Anyone Can Whistle," Stephen Sondheim writes:

  It's all so simple,
  Relax, let go, let fly.
  So someone tell me, why can't I?

  In this month of giving and gathering, when we all do more and push harder, we don't have much time for relaxing and letting go. In our bustling and striving, we barely remember what we're bustling and striving for. In our rush to find the perfect turkey or bottle of wine, we forget why we're looking. Mindful of the next task, we miss being present to this one.

  Sondheim's words make me stop and think about simplicity. As the song says, we can dance tangos, slay dragons, and read Greek. What's hard is simple. But to be simple is hard. I don't know about you, but my growing up was about working harder not easier. Case in point ... this article was originally twice as long and said less.

  I'm just thinking out loud, but what if this holiday season I drafted a new blueprint for success?

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• November 10, 2015
  10Nov2015

  Unlikely Teachers and Hidden Gifts

  

  November is an inspirational month. I find the cultivation of gratitude a powerful path to centered presence and to finding the gift in every moment. Thanks-giving permeates my thoughts. And there is so much to notice....

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• May 26, 2015
  26May2015

  Lessons Learned: Losing My Voice

  

  I am now recently and thankfully over a bout of laryngitis that in all its manifestations lasted 8 weeks. That's a long time for an organizational trainer, public speaker, and professional singer. It was traumatic at times, frightening, and fascinating. Friends would say, "this is going to be a story eventually," and indeed it is and has been.

  Have I said that "Unlikely Teachers" are not always welcomed at first? They can seem like annoyances at best and physically or emotionally traumatic at worst. In many cases, the teacher is life-changing in the sense that it shows us something about ourselves and the world that we might not have otherwise seen.

  Enforced Quiet

  I've written about how default programming and ingrained habits can be changed by noticing them in the moment they occur and making a different choice, and advice-giving is one of my defaults. During the first days of the lovely laryngitis attack, I couldn't speak at all--not even a squeak. How fascinating were those moments when I would start to say something and realize I couldn't. Because it was a struggle to speak and because the doctors had told me NOT to unless absolutely necessary, I became acutely aware of these ki moments--Do I really need to say this? Most of the time I didn't.

  A Worthy Opponent

  I began to see my laryngitis as a worthy opponent, with whom resistance was futile and counterproductive. By using Aikido principles, I could metaphorically join the opposing energy to see where led. Several possibilities immediately showed themselves...

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• November 13, 2012
  13Nov2012

  Respect Is Like Air: Finding the Hidden Gift

  

  Respect is like air, I’ve heard it said. When it’s plentiful, you never think about it. But when it’s missing, you can’t think about anything else.

  I was swimming at the Portsmouth Indoor Pool early one morning. My lane partner was taking up more of the lane than I thought necessary, more than his share. I was grouchy, shrinking and trying not to be run over as he swam by in the other direction…

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