Showing posts with the tag “Turn Enemies Into Allies”

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• August 1, 2023
  1Aug2023

  Unresolvable Conflict? Maybe It’s You

  

  Have you ever tried to resolve a conflict where one of the parties wasn't all that interested in resolution? Maybe it was you.

  Perhaps you acted as if you wanted to find resolution and said all the right things: 

  • “Let’s find a way to move forward”
  • “I know we can work this out.” 

  Maybe you did your best to adopt an inquiring stance, saying things like,

  • “Please tell me how you see it.”

  But nothing seemed to work because you weren’t really that interested if it meant you had to change—and so you didn’t commit to the process.

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• October 22, 2019
  22Oct2019

  Working On Yourself Alone: A Metaskill for Difficult Conversations

  

  I had to have a difficult conversation. I was invited to deliver a training for the organizational development team at a large U.S. tech company. At the last minute the company said they wanted one of their facilitators to partner with me. I was already at the site, and I could see they wanted to give this person (let's call him Max) some experience, and I said OK.

  I explained to Max how to follow my lead. I indicated where he could be of assistance, and asked him to otherwise be an observer of the group. Things went well for a while, but soon Max began to add content, most of which seemed designed to show his expertise but wasn't relevant. When I asked a question of the group, Max spoke instead, taking a "front of the room" position and expanding on the topic.

  At the break I decided to talk with Max. I should tell you first that confronting people is not my favorite thing. My default style in conflict is to accommodate. But there was a job to do here, a group experience at stake, and objectives to be met. A strong purpose to protect the training experience propelled me to speak....

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• May 7, 2019
  7May2019

  Beginning Again and Again

  

  Beginning again and again is the actual practice, not a problem to be overcome. --Sharon Salzberg

  As I made my way to the exit, the other passengers on my jetBlue flight were taking their time making their way down the aisle. If I could just get off this plane, I might make the 6:10 bus to Portsmouth and home, and not have to wait an hour for another bus. The flight was already late getting into Boston, and I really wanted to make that bus. Uncentered and pushing mentally, if not physically, I was grinding my teeth and trying to do whatever I could to hurry the passengers in front of me along, including bypassing some seats where the passengers didn’t immediately get up to retrieve bags from the overhead bin.

  And I caught myself. And breathed, and smiled, and returned to center...

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• April 23, 2019
  23Apr2019

  Teaching the Power of Purpose: Aikido's Unbendable Arm

  

  In this last video of the five-part series about my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, I demonstrate how easy life can be when we're clear about what we want for ourselves and our relationships. This feeling of flow, ease, and connection is demonstrated through The Unbendable Arm, a physical experience of the power of a clear purpose. 

  The Arm has become my metaphor for living powerfully, communicating with purpose, and expressing emotions with the intention to connect rather than harm.

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• April 9, 2019
  9Apr2019

  Teaching the Art of Centering

  

  In my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, a key element in the process is the leader's ability to center herself. As a manager, supervisor, or anyone caught in the middle of two conflicting parties, you must first manage your own mindset and emotions before trying to support others. Then, if you choose, you can coach others in the art and practice of centering.

  It's a great concept, isn't it, to choose to be centered? To notice in the moment that you're off balance, and then decide to shift to a more centered state. If you know how you do this--catch yourself and re-center--you can easily coach others.

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• March 26, 2019
  26Mar2019

  Resolving Coworker Conflict: Bringing the Parties Together

  

  "When co-workers can't get along, what are some ways to bring them together to resolve the problem?"  -- a common question from the managers and leaders I work with.

  In this third video of the five-part series about my new book, Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace, I introduce "Phase 3—Redirecting", or how to bring the parties together.

  In Phase 2--Entering and Blending, the book talks about the wisdom of working with each party to the conflict individually for one or more sessions, in order to hear them out, defuse the conflict, and teach skills. Phase 3 offers ways to begin the joint sessions--now that the parties are more prepared and skilled--to talk about what they’ve learned, plan for the future, and keep the conflict from recurring. This phase also offers questions, ideas, and tools to resolve the conflict and redirect any remaining challenges...

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• March 12, 2019
  12Mar2019

  Resolving Coworker Conflict: Work Individually First

  

  "When co-workers can't get along, should I work with them individually or bring them together?" This is a question managers, supervisors and HR professionals deal with frequently.

  Time pressures and the need to resolve the problem encourage us to get the parties together right away and help them talk things through. And while this strategy is tempting, it often makes matters worse, because the parties don’t yet have the skills or perspective they need to be open to any view but their own.

  Each individual pushes to have their perspective acknowledged. No one listens. Emotions run high. And the problem escalates. This is especially true if the conflict has a long history. Each party has fine-tuned their narrative about why the other person is the problem....

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• February 26, 2019
  26Feb2019

  Turn Enemies Into Allies: Introductory Video

  

  When two valued employees can't get along, it affects the entire office. What do you do when terminating an employee isn't an option, but for the sake of productivity the problem can't go on any longer? How do you achieve workplace harmony?

  I know it's only February, and my new book--Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace--isn't due for release by Career Press until May 1, but I'm excited that: 1) it's available for pre-order now, and 2) I can give you a preview of what's in the book, so you can decide if it's something you might want to own and have on your desk or your laptop...

  So with professional help from my amazing friends at Seacoast Flash and Rayaonassignment, I created five videos last month that are ready for prime time on YouTube. You're seeing them before anyone else (except my mom), although later this week this first one will be on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn...

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• January 15, 2019
  15Jan2019

  Turn Enemies Into Allies: A Preview of my New Book

  

  How do I manage conflict between employees? ​ What should I do when coworkers don't get along? Should I intervene? Bring them together? Work individually? What do I say?

  In 2014, Ki Moments began a series of posts titled "The Manager as Mediator", designed to help managers and leaders deal with conflict between coworkers. When two valued employees can't get along, their team and the workplace suffer, and the posts offered tools to help resolve the conflict.

  That series of posts developed and became a book, which you probably know because you're a reader of Ki Moments. Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace became available for pre-sale last month on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and IndieBound, and will be released in paperback May 1.

  In the next four posts, I plan to "early release" bits and pieces of Turn Enemies Into Allies, so you can preview the concepts, tools, and practices and decide if they might be useful in your workplace--although the conflict and communication skills I bring to organizations and relate in the book are just as applicable at the kitchen table, in the locker room, and on visits with the in-laws.

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• January 1, 2019
  1Jan2019

  Happy New Year! What 2019 Will Be Like

  

  "What 2019 Will Be Like" depends on us. If my aunt Mimi is right, and "life is what you make it" -- what will you make it?

  How will you dream up your personal, professional, and relational life? What actions will you take today that will cause you to be grateful a year from now? And how will your ki, your life energy, and that of others be freed up because of your choices?

  As the new year begins, I want to share with you a powerful visualization technique taught to me by international presenter, author, and my friend Thomas Crum a long time ago. Here's how it works...

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