Showing posts with the tag “Managing Emotions”

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• November 24, 2015
  24Nov2015

  Managing Emotions at the Holidays

  

  Tell me how not to be angry.

  A friend asked me to help him recently. He was having a conflict with a difficult person in his life. When this person did certain things, my friend would get angry and react. He made statements and took actions that weren't in keeping with who he was and wanted to be. We talked for quite a while and I made some suggestions. I was clear that I couldn't do what he'd asked: I couldn't tell him how not to be angry. 

  Emotions happen. Emotions just are. It's the next step--what we do with that emotional energy--that determines whether we attack, repress, or connect. When uncentered, we're likely to let the emotion drive our actions. When emotions are the driver, usually one of two things happens.

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• September 15, 2015
  15Sep2015

  Warrior, Lunatic or Centered Mom: Which One Are You?

  

  Judy and I have worked together for six years. I’ve told her often how much her work has influenced my life and the way I look at, and handle, conflict.

  A few weeks ago I dropped off our youngest son, age 15, at school four states away. The reason he goes to school so far from us is a longer story than I have space for, but suffice it to say it isn’t because he’s a bad kid. The opposite. He’s a great kid, and it’s really tough for us to drop him off each year. 

  As the two of us pulled up to the aging dorm, sadness overwhelmed me. His campus is old and beautiful--we love it--but his building is not good. New dorms are going up next door, and this building seems anxious to say goodbye to its last boarders so it can be torn down.

  My son was giddy with excitement. When you go to boarding school, you spend all summer away from your friends--friends who are like a second family. He couldn’t wait to get his room set up and find his buddies.

  Arms full of boxes, we arrived at his locked door.

  “Honey,” I said. “I have a bad feeling about this…”

  The door was clearly marked with a handmade sign labeled “Storage.”

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• June 9, 2015
  9Jun2015

  The Guest House: Managing Emotions with Awareness

  

  This being human is a guest-house
  Every morning a new arrival.

  This is the beginning of one of my favorite Rumi poems. I appreciate its wisdom on how to greet each emotion with gratitude and wonder.

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• December 9, 2014
  9Dec2014

  Paying Attention on My Morning Walk

  

  I noticed the first feeling about 20 minutes into the walk. I’m sure there were many others before this one. It’s just that I happened to perceive this one and pay attention.

  It wasn’t new--a familiar combination of anger, regret, disappointment, and a general wishing I could go back and do things over.

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• October 28, 2014
  28Oct2014

  Happier: Thoughts and Practices on Centering and Mindfulness (Part 4)

  

  It's important to have fun with centering and mindfulness practices, and to know that you may not see a difference today or even tomorrow. Keep practicing, and look back in a year or two. You'll see what's changed.

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• October 14, 2014
  14Oct2014

  Happier: Thoughts and Practices on Centering and Mindfulness (Part 3)

  

  
  I snapped at my husband: "We're going to do it." (Subtext: whether you want to or not.) He snapped back, escalating conversation into confrontation--a common occurrence in uncentered conflict.

  I don't snap that often, so I had to take a look at my reaction. To do that I had to center myself. As Tracie Shroyer put it in her recent post that began this series on Centering and Mindfulness: "Something about intentionally taking a deep breath slows everything down. It brings perspective, quietness and calmness to a crazy situation."

  • How do you get centered, become grounded, mindful and present in life's difficult moments?
  • How do you know when you're centered?
  • What makes you lose it?
  • How can you catch yourself and re-center sooner?

  Today's post is about the connection between centering and emotions. Sometimes our emotional energy is strong enough to hijack our best intentions and damage important relationships. When emotions are high, it's like being in a car that's out of control.

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• November 15, 2011
  15Nov2011

  Resolving Conflict on Turkey Day: 5 Shortcuts to Peace at Thanksgiving

  You sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with the best of intentions. You want to savor the stuffing and delight in the pumpkin pie. You know you have a long list of blessings to count. But then it happens . . . your mom treats you like a child, your uncle insults your political beliefs, and your brother, whom you haven’t seen in months, asks if you’ve put on a few pounds.

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• June 1, 2007
  1Jun2007

  Ki Moments June 2007

  If you consider emotions as simply energy to be utilized, you can begin to reframe the notion that there are “good” and “bad” emotions, and instead work with the energy and direct it in positive ways.

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