During a recent coaching conversation a client said that while she was leading a virtual team meeting one of the members used rough demeaning language that bordered on abusive. As the team leader she wanted to create an atmosphere of psychological safety, but it was difficult to intervene because she herself felt unsafe.

In many of the workshops I attend--and teach--questions arise about psychological safety. There are often organizational leaders in the room who want to learn about how to make their workplaces safe, or people who work in environments where they don't feel they can express themselves or bring up concerns easily.

I came to understand the concept of psychological safety while attending a program led by Amy Edmondson, who pioneered the study of psychological safety. A Harvard Professor, multi-book author, and thoughtful human, Dr. Edmondson is eloquent on the subject in her writing and teaching about how teams can create psychological safety together, which is basically "a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes, and that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking".

I know leaders who do this. They make it safe for people to express opinions, disagree, and be themselves. Conversations among members improve dramatically and teams become amazingly efficient at accomplishing their goals. 

My client didn't feel she could intervene on behalf of her team, yet one of most important jobs a leader has is to keep the environment safe so the group can get on with its job.

As a leader, the first step in creating safety in the group is to find it in yourself.

Curiosity

My client was scared of the group bully. 

In Aikido, the first move when an attack is coming is to get out of the way so the attack does not connect and so the aikidoist is in a powerful position to engage the incoming energy and manage it.

In Aikido off the mat, the same principle applies. So how do I get out of the way? 

Curiosity, Inquiry, Wonder

The internal shift is in my attitude toward the bully, and my awareness and compassion for myself.

I was surprised by the actions of the bullying team member, amazed that someone would behave this way in a team meeting. I was also curious about their choices, since this person had a high level of rank in the larger organization.

Naturally, my client being at the receiving end of the tirade had a harder time jumping into wonder and curiosity.

Still... this is the safety net. When I can make this mind shift--from fear and anger to curiosity and wonder, I am metaphorically stepping off the line. From this new mental place of discovery, I let the energy go by and watch it without being harmed by it, then make a decision about whether and how to engage.

Thought Experiment

• Think of the last time you felt metaphorically attacked by something someone said or did. How did you feel? Were you outraged, sad, fearful? All of the above?
• Now shift to being curious, maybe even a little amazed at the behavior. How do you feel now? Some behaviors are so out of the norm they may even make you laugh when you see them from this new stance.

When you adopt an attitude of curiosity, you create psychological safety for yourself regardless of what is going on around you. This expands your view, and you have the freedom to take action (or not). 

When you get angry, practice curiosity instead. Notice what happens!

Good ki!