Is there a conversation you've been putting off? Is there a coworker or family member with whom you need to talk - but don't? Maybe you've tried and it didn't turn out as you had hoped. Or maybe you fear that talking will only make things worse. Whatever the reason, you feel stuck and you'd like to free up that energy for more useful purposes.

One of the most common reasons I hear in my workshops for not holding difficult conversations is that people don't know how to begin. Here are a few conversation openers I've picked up over the years - and used many times. See if one of them will work for you.

• I'd like to discuss something with you that I think will help us work together better.
• I think we may have different ideas about _____________. When you have some time, I'd like to talk about it.
• I'd like to hear your thoughts on ____________. Do you have a minute?
• I need your help with what just happened (or - I need your help with __________). Can we talk?
• I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your thoughts on this.

These openers create an environment of respect and mutual purpose. You can say almost anything as long as you maintain these two critical conditions.

Practice, Practice, Practice

The art of conversation is like any art - with continued practice you acquire skill and ease. In the next few issues of Ki Moments, I will address different aspects of how to hold difficult conversations. Here are 3 tips to get you started.

1. A successful outcome will depend on two things: how you are and what you say. How you are (centered, supportive, curious, problem-solving) will greatly influence what you say.
2. Know and return to your purpose at difficult moments
3. Practice the conversation before holding the real one, either mentally or with a friend. Try out different scenarios and visualize yourself handling each with ease. Envision the outcome you're hoping for.

Good luck, and remember that if you can find a mutual purpose for holding the conversation, and if you extend and maintain respect, you will be fine. Let me know how it goes!

Would you like to improve your presentation style and boost your confidence in front of groups? Join me on Tuesday, September 20, at Pease Tradeport in Portsmouth for my next public workshop on Powerful Presentations.

You'll acquire the tools to give clear, effective, and compelling presentations with increased power and presence. In addition:

• You'll practice skills to develop your voice and breath support.
• You'll learn the Four Defining Characteristics of a Powerful Presentation and discover the secrets that make your presentation style unique.
• You'll have the opportunity to see yourself on videotape, receive coaching, and fine-tune your skills.

Questions?
Email presentations@judyringer.com.

"I absolutely recommend this course. I rarely get useful feedback like this in the workplace, and I became aware of the unconscious things I do while presenting."
-- Janice, Dover

How often do you laugh out loud? Recent studies have shown that laughter is in fact often "the best medicine."

My friends Jeanne Russell and Kathryn Thompson have recently become certified Laughter Yoga teachers - "Laughologists" - and their Laughter Yoga sessions are pretty cool.

Laughter Yoga was started by Dr. Madan Kataria in India ten years ago. He founded a Laughter Club, which soon spread throughout India and is now worldwide. His message is "World peace through Laughter," and Jeanne and Kathryn have founded a Laughter Club in Portsmouth!

A typical Laughter Yoga session is a blend of yogic deep breathing, stretching, simulated laughter exercises and child-like playfulness. Laughter Yoga can increase stamina, lower blood pressure, increase brain endorphins, decrease stress, boost the immune system, massage internal organs, and increase lung capacity.

Laughter sessions are held on Friday afternoons from 12:30 to 1:15 p.m. and are open to all. There is no charge for the sessions. Dress comfortably and be prepared to have fun. You may see me there!

Many of the principles reflected in Ki Moments come from aikido, the Japanese martial art that teaches self-defense through the redirection of energy. Sometimes Ki Moments subscribers become interested in aikido and ask where they can try out aikido practice.

Portsmouth Aikido is an ongoing martial arts school located at the Seacoast Family Y in Portsmouth, and I am its chief instructor. Classes are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:45 p.m., and Sundays at 1:00 and 2:15 p.m. You can stop by anytime and watch a class. Or you can visit our web site - http://www.portsmouthaikido.com- or call 603- 431-8560 for more information.

The next Aikido Beginner's Class will start on September 25.

Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560
website: www.judyringer.com

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at judy@judyringer.com for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.

Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.

If you enjoy our news and stories, feel free to share them with friends or colleagues. Use our "FORWARD" link below to pass it along with our thanks! -Judy