Emotions happen. We can, however, make choices about how we manage them. If you consider emotions as simply energy to be utilized, you can begin to reframe the notion that there are "good" and "bad" emotions, and instead work with the energy and direct it in positive ways.

The energy of anger, for example, can cause you to become reactive. Or you can use that energy to gain clarity -- about what's so charged for you and what you're really going for in the relationship. When you regain control, you can direct the energy with intention and begin a useful emotional practice.

Five Tips to Manage Your Anger in the Heat of the Moment:

• Stop, breathe, and center yourself. Under stress, we usually stop breathing. Without knowing it we close the throat, tense up, and get ready for a fight. We react to the perceived opponent and lose perspective, awareness, and the ability to make wise choices - just when we need these faculties the most. So stop, notice your tension, and open your throat. Let the incoming breath reconnect you with a higher purpose so that you can engage your opponent in more purposeful ways.


• Become curious. Why would any reasonable human being behave this way? An attitude of curiosity is unbelievably useful in difficult moments. It introduces a learning stance and transforms anger. Curiosity brings you back to center.


• See the different parts of people. When we're angry, we see only the part of our "opponent" that we're upset with. Look for other parts - the big brother; loyal friend; doting grandma; proud mother - and talk to that part. You'll find yourself communicating differently.


• Inquire and listen. Asking an honest and sincere question to try to understand the other person is a powerful antidote to anger. As you become quiet and attentive, you also give yourself time to breathe, center, and regain control of your emotions. Listening is an art and an ally under stress.


• State your thoughts, hopes, and feelings. When you take the time to center yourself, understand your emotions, and listen to your conflict partner, you're more likely to communicate a message your partner can hear.

Anger can damage relationships, but it can also strengthen them. When you breathe, center, inquire, and respond intentionally, you begin a useful practice of directing your emotions with intention. And you're also more likely to be heard.

Would you like to see more articles like this one? See the Free Articles page on Judy's website.

My friend and colleague, Thomas Crum, sets aside one week each fall for intensive training in conflict, communication, centering, and stress management, for himself and a fortunate group of approximately 30 participants. We meet in Peaceful Valley, Colorado (yes, that's really the name), high in the Colorado Rockies.

Journey to Center is a time to revitalize your mind, body and spirit and learn skills that will keep you creative, productive, and healthy for years to come.

Now is the time to reserve the space in your busy calendar to be there. I know I will be.

Please visit JudyRinger.com to learn more about our Summer Public Workshops on:

• Managing Conflict with Power & Presence: An Aiki Approach (June 8)
• We Have to Talk: Managing Difficult Conversations (July 18)
• Powerful Presentations (with Susan Losapio, August 14)

Learn more and register here

Many of the principles reflected in Ki Moments come from aikido, the Japanese martial art that teaches self-defense through the redirection of energy.

If you're interested in practicing aikido and you live locally, Portsmouth Aikido is an ongoing martial arts school at the Seacoast Family Y in Portsmouth. Classes are held on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. You can stop by anytime and watch a class.

The next Aikido Beginner Class starts June 24. The eight-week course will run through August 12, from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. each Sunday. The cost is $95.00 per person for the course and includes a Portsmouth Aikido t-shirt. Anyone aged 12 or older is welcome. Gift certificates are available!

Learn more about Portsmouth Aikido

Judy Ringer
Power & Presence Training
76 Park Street
Portsmouth, NH 03801
voice: 603.431.8560
website: www.judyringer.com

Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, a Portsmouth, NH company specializing in unique workshops to help you and your organization manage conflict, communicate effectively, and co-create a more positive work environment. E-mail Judy at judy@judyringer.com for a free initial meeting to discuss your training needs.

Ki (from Ai-ki-do) is Japanese for life energy. Ki Moments is a complimentary monthly "e-zine" with tips and how-to articles to help you manage the key moments in your life.

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