Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

  • Finding Center in Back to School

    Finding Center in Back to School

    This month there are parents all over the country with a need to find center.  Maybe you’ve left a child at school or maybe your youngest is starting kindergarten and you’re faced with your first day of not knowing what he’s up to every single moment.  Perhaps this is the first year you have no children at home, or even are longing for a child you can send off to school one day.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 5: Bringing the Parties Together

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 5: Bringing the Parties Together

    How do I manage conflict between employees?
    What should I do when coworkers don't get along?

    In May, Ki Moments began a series, The Manager as Mediator, designed to help leaders address organizational and personality conflict involving coworkers, management, and leadership teams. The 5-step model offers a coaching intervention and step-by-step process for developing skills in yourself and the people you support.

    This post focuses on the last step in the process: Step #5: Bring the Parties Together.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills (Part 2)

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills (Part 2)


    In the last Ki Moments post, we left our Manager as Mediator 5-step model in the middle of Step 4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills. Step 4 has two parts:

    • Quality of Being: With what attitudes and awareness do I approach the conversation?
    • Communication Strategies: How do I communicate my point of view and willingly entertain and acknowledge another?

    We covered Part 1 in the last post. Today the focus is Part 2: Communication Strategies.

    We are preparing the parties to meet jointly. When that happens, you'd like them to be able to listen to each other, propose alternatives, and build solutions. You don't want them reacting emotionally, shutting down, or pretending things are all right when they aren't. This means they've learned and practiced some skills.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills (Part 1)

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills (Part 1)

    I’ve seen in my work the difficulty leaders and managers have dealing with personality conflicts between employees. In workshops and coaching, leaders most often tell me they want to:

    • help employees get along better.
    • skillfully address disagreements between coworkers.
    • model the conflict skills they want for their team.

    Recently, Ki Moments began a series, The Manager as Mediator, designed to help leaders address organizational and personality conflict involving coworkers, management, and leadership teams. As a coaching intervention, the 5-step model offers a step-by-step process for developing skills in yourself and the people you support.

    We’ve offered an introduction and posts on:

    Step #1: First Manage You
    Step #2: Measure and Gain Commitment
    Step #3: Meet Individually First

    This post focuses on Step #4: Build and Teach Conflict and Communication Skills.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 3: Meet Individually First

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 3: Meet Individually First

    You manage two individuals who are at odds with each other. They are each valuable to the organization, technically savvy and, for the most part, get along with everyone but each other.

    You've tried the pep talk:

    Come on, now, you can do this. Rise above it.

    The appeal to compassion and empathy:

    Try not to take things so personally; see things from their perspective.

    The common sense approach:

    Your work is suffering. Something has to change. You don't have to be best friends, but you do have to work together and get the job done.

    You've also tried avoiding, ignoring, and wishing things would change. You've brought the topic up at performance reviews. You've talked to colleagues, coaches, and consultants. 

    In May, Ki Moments began a series, The Manager as Mediator, designed to help managers and leaders address organizational and personality conflict involving coworkers, management, and leadership teams. Designed as a coaching intervention, the 5-step model offers a step-by-step process for developing skills in yourself and the people you support.

    So far we've offered an introduction and posts on Step #1: First Manage You and Step #2: Measure and Gain Commitment.

    Today, we focus on Step #3: Meet Individually First.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 2: Measure and Gain Commitment

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 2: Measure and Gain Commitment

    Have you ever tried to resolve conflict when there was no motivation? Although we often see the other person as the problem, maybe you were resistant, too. Regardless, without any desire to change, it's a lot harder to work things out.

    When you're helping others resolve conflict, is it any easier?

    In May, Ki Moments began a series of posts about The Manager as Mediator, designed to help managers and leaders address organizational and personality conflict involving coworkers, management, and leadership teams. Designed as a coaching intervention, the 5-step model offers a step-by-step process for developing skills in yourself and the people you support.

    So far we've offered an introduction that outlined the 5 steps and a second post on Step #1: First Manage You.

    Today, we focus on Step #2: Measure and Gain Commitment.

    How do you overcome employees' resistance to resolving the conflicts between them? Sometimes humans are stubborn. When the choice seems to be about being right or wrong, we almost always prefer being right. Working on the issue might mean having to look in the mirror. And if they knew how, they would have done it already, correct? Not necessarily. While resolution would make life easier, there must be a benefit to continuing the conflict or it would have ended long ago.

    As a manager and leader, your job is to help them find and understand the current benefit and replace it with others that will be more advantageous to their career, make them happier, and give them more power in the long run. The result is more than conflict resolution. This is about developing skilled leaders and role models in the organization.

  • The Manager as Mediator--Step 1: First Manage You

    The Manager as Mediator--Step 1: First Manage You

    In May, Ki Moments began a series of posts about The Manager as Mediator, designed to help managers and leaders address organizational and personality conflict involving coworkers, management, and leadership teams. Designed as a coaching intervention, the 5-step model offers a step-by-step process for developing skills in yourself and the people you support.

    We started in May with an introduction to the 5 steps.

    Today, we focus on Step #1: First Manage You

  • The Manager as Mediator: 5 Tips for Managing Conflict Between Co-Workers

    The Manager as Mediator: 5 Tips for Managing Conflict Between Co-Workers


    How do I manage conflict between employees? ​
    What should I do when coworkers don't get along?

    In 20 years of teaching and coaching, I have seen managers and leaders struggle most with these questions. Why? Because conflict among coworkers saps time and energy and limits creativity, not to mention keeping managers up at night.

    I see otherwise skilled and technically savvy managers and chief executives wondering what to do. Should I intervene? Bring them together? Work individually? What do I say? 

  • The Art of Noticing: 3 Steps for Returning to Center

    The Art of Noticing: 3 Steps for Returning to Center

    My mind is going a million miles a minute, in a dozen directions. As I lie on the yoga mat, I think:

    Stay here.

    I manage it for 3-4 seconds and then I'm off on some thought train.

    Find your Stillness.

    Yes, for 3-4 seconds more, and off again.

    When meditating each morning, I count my breaths. I'm lucky if get to 5 before I lose track and have to start over. As I count, I'm present. I feel the breath come in and out. Then ... I'm not.

    That's the point. To notice and come back.

    To return to center. 

    On the mat ... and in life...

  • Power & Presence: Articles and Support on Conflict and Communication

    Power & Presence: Articles and Support on Conflict and Communication

    When I redesigned my website -- JudyRinger.com -- two summers ago, my goal was to offer a useful resource on conflict, communication, leadership, and more -- creating a life of power and presence. The idea was that every page would give tips and tools to solve a problem, resolve a conflict, or hold a difficult conversation.

    Email, tweets and personal endorsements from happy visitors suggest I accomplished my goal. The site is doing its job.

    Working with me personally is always an option. And, here are 9 of 16 downloadable articles printed on the site. People tell me reading an article is sometimes all they need.

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