Judy Ringer

The game of “Let’s Pretend” is a game we probably all played as children. I think we continue to play as adults—we just forget we’re playing.

Stop doing what isn’t working. See a big red STOP sign in front of your face when you begin to react in ways you know don’t serve you, have never served you. You don’t have to have a backup plan, though it helps. Just STOP what isn’t working.

When a mom asked me about how to help her 10-year-old daughter Becky solve a problem with her teasing friend, the BLT method was the perfect solution.

If advocating is all you do, you will have few listeners. They’ll get tired or bored. If, on the other hand, you are a skilled listener, people will flock to you. And they will listen back. The most useful strategy for being heard is to educate.

A good friend gave me a book last week, thinking I might like it. The book is “Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion” by Jesuit Priest Gregory Boyle about his work with gangs in Los Angeles, CA. Reading the first chapters in the early spring sun this morning at Beach Pea in Kittery, Maine, I feel calm and centered and blessed.

When stakes are high, we often hold back because we’re afraid we’ll make a mistake, look foolish, hurt others, or get hurt ourselves. Using the Aikido metaphor, we’re afraid of falling down.

In Aikido, falling is an art form—the art of ukemi (receiving). We don’t see falling down as failure, because we don’t see what we’re doing as a contest.

In a recent workshop with a highly-respected engineering firm, the HR director asked if I had any suggestions about defusing employees who come to her “hot under the collar.” This is what I suggested…

Until you notice you’ve been hooked, you can’t do anything about it. You will unconsciously act out the emotion the same way each time because you aren’t there. But! When you can see yourself, even after the fact …. Ah! Everything is different. Because now you have awareness.

When I choose a new emotional response and repeat it often enough — no, I won’t scream, I’ll breathe and center instead — I form a new habit. I move from impulsive to intelligent behavior.

When I begin something new—like a new project, a new creation, or a new year—I think about these things. What am I doing here? Why am I doing it? What impulse drives me forward? How will I find my way when (inevitably) I get lost, lose energy, or run up against a worthy obstacle?