Chatting with my friend Amanda Ridings recently about lessons learned from our work, I realized that "fixing" is one that I continue to learn again and again. It seems to be in my nature to help, to offer, to be ready to do. I like that person in me who looks to solve problems and facilitate ease. It's just good to notice when I'm on autopilot and to be intentional about it.
It's an occupational hazard in my work. People come to trainings, request coaching, and look to my book, articles, and CDs perhaps hoping to be fixed. It's tempting. But....
When I think I'm the one with all the answers, here's what happens:
- I begin to believe I actually know what will help them.
- I begin to believe my answers are their answers.
- And I forget that all learning happens from the inside out.
After 21 years, I've gotten better at noticing when I'm on autopilot. I recall how I felt in Year One of Power & Presence Training, when I knew I didn't have the answers. I could only present the Aikido principles in physical form and ask the learner how it made sense for them, for their conflicts, their stress points, and their relationships.
I know this to be true:
Learning happens when the student has the Aha! When they understand something in a way they will never forget. They feel it in their bones, and they are changed because of that moment. I'm a lucky bystander.
It happened in Arizona recently when a student working through an Aikido movement had an insight...