Ki Moments Blog

Support for life’s “key” moments.

  • Managing Emotions at the Holidays

    Managing Emotions at the Holidays

    Tell me how not to be angry.

    A friend asked me to help him recently. He was having a conflict with a difficult person in his life. When this person did certain things, my friend would get angry and react. He made statements and took actions that weren't in keeping with who he was and wanted to be. We talked for quite a while and I made some suggestions. I was clear that I couldn't do what he'd asked: I couldn't tell him how not to be angry

    Emotions happen. Emotions just are. It's the next step--what we do with that emotional energy--that determines whether we attack, repress, or connect. When uncentered, we're likely to let the emotion drive our actions. When emotions are the driver, usually one of two things happens.

  • Unlikely Teachers and Hidden Gifts

    Unlikely Teachers and Hidden Gifts

    November is an inspirational month. I find the cultivation of gratitude a powerful path to centered presence and to finding the gift in every moment. Thanks-giving permeates my thoughts. And there is so much to notice....

  • Fall Conversations, by Carrol Suzuki

    Fall Conversations, by Carrol Suzuki

    I'm indebted to Carrol Suzuki of Suzuki and Associates for the following post and related links on the importance of listening in our lives and workplaces.

    Fall Conversations

    by Carrol Suzuki

    A perfect day in autumn is sunshine, crisp air and dry sidewalks with a blanket of bright multi-colored leaves. What if the way we walk through those leaves gives us some wonderful hints about how to listen well...

  • Emotional Triggers: Accept and Let Go

    Emotional Triggers: Accept and Let Go

    Only when you accept your emotions can you let them go.
    ~ Joy Jacobs, Author, In A Pickle: Nourishing Recipes & Food for Thought

    "Why don't we take this down to the register," he said with what felt like a combination of condescension and sarcasm. I'd stopped in for a pack of gum--first time in this convenience store--found what I wanted and placed it on the counter. The register was about 5 feet from where I stood, and I hadn't seen it.

    The clerk (owner?) took my gum and walked to the register. I followed and handed him a twenty-dollar bill. The gum was $1.39.

    "Do you have anything smaller?" He looked at me over the top of his glasses. He could clearly see when I opened my wallet that it contained a twenty and a five, and he seemed upset that I'd given him the twenty.

    Me: "I do, but I’d like some change."

    Him: "Well, I need change, too."

    Okay, I'm officially triggered now by the customer service demon who lives inside me and wants to say: "Wait a minute--this is a business, right? My mood suddenly soured...

  • Disrespectful Behavior: It's What You Say and How You Say It

    Disrespectful Behavior: It's What You Say and How You Say It

    Hi Judy,

    I'm a cashier in a large appliance store. I was reported to our store manager for being disrespectful to our Customer Service Department. All I did was make a request of Customer Service, and I'd like to know what's disrespectful about that and what to do about it.  

    Thank you!
    Confused and Uncertain


    Dear Confused,
    Thank you for your note and question. I appreciate your quandary and admire you for wanting to do something about it. While I don't know all the details, I can make some general suggestions that might be helpful to you and others in situations like this...

  • Warrior, Lunatic or Centered Mom: Which One Are You?

    Warrior, Lunatic or Centered Mom: Which One Are You?

    Judy and I have worked together for six years. I’ve told her often how much her work has influenced my life and the way I look at, and handle, conflict.

    A few weeks ago I dropped off our youngest son, age 15, at school four states away. The reason he goes to school so far from us is a longer story than I have space for, but suffice it to say it isn’t because he’s a bad kid. The opposite. He’s a great kid, and it’s really tough for us to drop him off each year. 

    As the two of us pulled up to the aging dorm, sadness overwhelmed me. His campus is old and beautiful--we love it--but his building is not good. New dorms are going up next door, and this building seems anxious to say goodbye to its last boarders so it can be torn down.

    My son was giddy with excitement. When you go to boarding school, you spend all summer away from your friends--friends who are like a second family. He couldn’t wait to get his room set up and find his buddies.

    Arms full of boxes, we arrived at his locked door.

    “Honey,” I said. “I have a bad feeling about this…”

    The door was clearly marked with a handmade sign labeled “Storage.”

  • The Enduring Question: What If They Won't Change?

    The Enduring Question: What If They Won't Change?

    Trying not to change someone--in fact realizing you can't--and holding that space from center may feel like you're suspended in mid-air, not knowing, just taking one breath at a time, one step at a time, relinquishing control. As challenging as it may be, this is a place of learning and growth. Being comfortable with discomfort, as my yoga teacher says.

  • Closure: Ki Moments and the Importance of Ritual

    Closure: Ki Moments and the Importance of Ritual

    There's a song from a wonderful 1970's musical -- The Last Sweet Days of Isaac. The title is: "My Most Important Moments Go By," and in another life I was an actor (yep!) and sang this song. Maybe because of that, I've always appreciated the importance of certain moments in my life. I've tried to take note of them.

    When we let moments go by without paying attention, we lose something--something that won't come again. And, sometimes it makes it harder to go on to the next moment. Something is holding us back, and we're not even sure what it is.

  • Being Present With It: Centered Anger

    Being Present With It: Centered Anger

    My last post was about being present with happiness. I reflected on how it can be as difficult to be present in happiness as in anger and that meditation and reflection offered ways to appreciate happiness without losing ourselves to it or letting it slip by unnoticed. The same principles apply to anger.

    You'd probably just as soon let angry moments go by. Why would you want to stay present with anger?

  • An Interval of Meditation: Centered Happiness

    An Interval of Meditation: Centered Happiness

    Have you ever been so happy you ...

    • were afraid it wouldn't last?
    • lost your equilibrium? 
    • couldn't stay present with it?

    Such is Anne Elliot's happiness at the end of Jane Austen's Persuasion, that she engages in "an interval of meditation" as the best way to preserve and appreciate the feeling.

    I write a lot about centering in conflict. Searching this phrase on my website turns up 112 results. And yet, what about being centered in happiness? 

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